Relinquishing Each Wish

~•Wishes•~ Photograph by my beautiful sister and best friend Laura Lujan

They blow to and from
carried by her breeze.
Hearts gush wish after
wish relinquishing each
to a forbidden sky.

~~» Felicia Lujan
~~» 5.18.2013

A Faceless, Fluid Dream

~Moment of Realization~ I gaze in the fish tank right at my bedside each night before I drift off to sleep. This glass dolphin in my tank is a symbol of fluid movement. He is glass. He is clear. He is faceless.

“We awaken when we
realize that the dream
is just a dream. The
dream is fluid and
can change at will.”

•~~» Felicia Lujan

Repair the Broken

A wish to mend
the broken shards
with a piece of
special string.

I would sew it
tight and dry your
tears with the
softest angel wing.

A wish to fix the
empty hole and
seal her memories
in your heart.

I would give you
a chance to see
her smile before
you had to part.

Felicia Lujan
4.24.2013

Bound to Burn by Felicia Lujan

So here is a moving image of my newest art piece. It is a highly symbolic colored pencil drawing. I was happy with the end result. When I showed it to my boss, she said I should contemplate becoming a part of Spanish Market here in Santa Fe, New Mexico. That would be as a contemporary artist of course. I’m thinking about it. Maybe it would be a good move for me? Let me know what you think about the piece and/or if you are deep, what you think it means? I would be curious?

~~~~~~~Felicia

My Frozen Heart

~• The Girl in May of 2012 •~

Today I lost one of my closest friends. She was a very old girl but still had fur which was soft as a kitten. Her eyes were big and blue. They could melt my heart on the coldest days. The Girl was part of my life for almost 18 years. She was much older than my only child. Late last night I realized she would be gone by the morning. I decided to hold her close and tell her how much I appreciated my years with her. She was the best cat I have ever had.

I laid her to rest amongst the singing birds as snowflakes turned my tears to ice. I will really miss my friend. Irving Townsend once said “another cat? Perhaps. For love there is also a season; its seeds must be resown. But a family cat is not replaceable like a worn out coat or a set of tires. Each new kitten becomes its own cat, and none is repeated. I am four cats old, measuring out my life in friends that have succeeded but not replaced one another.” 

The Glitch

•————————–•
Faux pas of the lovely
kind~ a human glitch is
not so hard to take.
•————————–•
The defect rests in a
mirage~ so I’ll just
remember I will wake.
•————————–•
Malfunctioning~ the
twilight burns as sparks
fly off the cuff.
•————————–•
Ailing is she~ strength
must grow~ weakness
never was enough.
•————————–•
Each kink and knot
bears tenderness. The
glitch doesn’t need a fix.
•————————–•
If there are mistakes
in fate there was no
need for paths to mix.
•————————–•
Imperfection~ stop and
love the flaws because
they make me real.
•————————–•
A glitch, a fault, the
missing code~ this is
the reason I can feel.
•————————–•

by Felicia Lujan
3.7.2013

«—•Blowdart•—»

Poison blowdart used by the goblins to kill a unicorn in the dark fairy tale film~ Legend (1985)~ one of my all time favorites

Blowgun•————-»
Smooth and swift-
a simple weapon
used to fire tainted
darts straight into
my core.

Hunter•—————»
Momentum of
5,000 breaths-
pushing harder
so I feel the force
of iron lungs.

Blowpipe•————»
Propulsive power
with curare laced
tips- poison to
paralyze and
secure the fall.

Shooter•————-»
Capture wildlife-
a steady need to
tranquilize, stun,
and cage this
lovely beast.

Blowdart•————-»
Elusive target-
shrink and quiver
into the silent
softness of deadly
breaths.

by Felicia Lujan
2.20.2013

Disappear

~Foggy mirror self portrait by Felicia Lujan~

Thoughts, words, stories.
Maybe they were destined to fade?
And you so prepared to watch them disappear
like eleven warm breaths on a frosty mirror.
2.13.2013

 

[Video] Rihanna Ft Mikky Ekko - Stay

Reblogged from Spiff Society:

Rihanna goes ahead and premieres the official video for her new single ‘Stay’ featuring Mikky Ekko. The simple visual features RiRi naked in a tub and is directed by Sophie Muller. “Unapologetic” is in stores now.

I have been waiting for this video. The fact that she is naked is symbolic. Being weak, helpless, exposed, and vulnerable is always painful. -----Felicia

Eye 2 Eye

“Why does the eye see a thing
more clearly in dreams than
the imagination when awake?”

~~~Leonardo da Vinci

When Leonardo da Vinci contemplated the clarity of his visions he must have wished he was always asleep. Surely the genius of the Italian Renaissance was afforded the luxury of unrestricted creativity in his dreams. There he could perceive alternate realities. There he could understand complexity. Why? I believe that Leonardo was able to open his third eye of knowledge through his dreams. In a spiritual dream state his ideas were clear.

Sometimes we don’t see eye to eye with others. It can be difficult to understand when seeing eye to eye is so desired. In college I took many traditional courses in psychology, philosophy, and religion. Today I was reminded of the three eyes of knowledge, as well as the information that they are able to capture and convey. If we take a look at the eyes of knowledge, each level, each function, we can get a better understanding of why people disconnect or lose eye contact if you will.

In the thirteenth-century there was a religious philosopher named St. Bonaventure. By all accounts, Bonaventure was a great man. He was respected by the church and became one of our greatest philosophers. The Western mystic developed the concept of “three eyes.” The “eyes” were the three methods that men and women utilized to attain knowledge. In his book Breviloquium, St. Bonaventure discusses knowledge and wisdom at length.

The first eye is associated with physical phenomena. The second eye with mental phenomena, and the third eye with spiritual phenomena. Numerous individuals within the humanities believe that we do not only see with our eyes. The larger part of that which we are able to see derives from the mind’s eye. Philosophers, psychologists, and theologists also believe that many may never see with the third eye of knowledge. I myself feel that I see regularly with the Eye of Reason, which is also called the mind’s eye.

1^st Eye… Eye of Flesh is the eye we use to see the outside world. Here we actually employ physical sight to see material objects and gain knowledge from those objects.

2^nd Eye… Eye of Reason or the mind’s eye is used to attain knowledge associated with the flesh. We also use this eye to analyze abstract thoughts and ideas. This eye includes, but transcends the Eye of Flesh so it is a combination of physical and intellectual knowledge. This has also been referred to as intellectual sight.

3^rd Eye… Eye of Contemplation or the Eye of the Spirit is only open when we become fully illuminated with spiritual insight. Most people still have this eye closed. It is said that only true mystics see with this eye.

It is hard to understand why seeing eye to eye in a world of knowledge is difficult. Maybe it is simply that your eye is closed while my eye is open or vice versa? Maybe like Leonardo da Vinci, we should rely on our dreams? Maybe doing so would allow us to open each eye and perceive alternate realities or even reconnect? Why? Because in our dreams, ideas are clear.

In the Marriage of Heaven and Hell, William Blake said “if the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro’ narrow chinks of his cavern.” Apparently Blake also contemplated translucent eye lids.

Flaws

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I am flawed. Deeply flawed.
I think we all have our flaws.

~~~~Lance Armstrong
(2013 Interview with Oprah)
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Tonight I watched Oprah’s special interview with a fallen hero. Lance Armstrong didn’t flinch while answering tough questions. Part of me felt sorry for him. Seeing a man who was once seemingly unstoppable simply crumble was rather heartbreaking. He used the word flaw in several forms. He used the word several times exposing his humanness. At one point Oprah asked him “what was the flaw or flaws that made you decide to risk it all?”

His interview reminded me of some comments recently posted on my web site. The comments were made on “Lace: My New Theme.” I made my own quote to accompany my theme which reads “lace is intricate like a beating heart. There are always hidden flaws in flawless designs.” After publishing that post, I had a very thoughtful comment by Fay Moore. I appreciate those people who do not look at everything superficially. I wanted to share her comment and my comment back as I feel they shed light on the human condition.

Fay Moore Says:
January 18, 2013

Lovely, haunting visual. The black and white palette suggests examination of two sides of an issue: truth versus falsehood, dark versus light, fluff versus heft. Just an observation: it feels a bit sad at first glance. That may or may not be purposeful.

Felicia Says:
January 18, 2013

Hello Fay— I absolutely loved your thoughtful observations and comment. The symbolism in this theme is there for people to interpret as they see fit.

The black and white, two sides, dark vs light, is an awesome interpretation. It was not intended to seem sad visually, however I can see how you came to that conclusion given the fact the I used a web site screen shot which features a previous post. My poem “Sea of Tears” had an eye releasing tears, but not out of sadness. The tears were to create an ocean at the request of a loved one.

The quote that I authored can also be interpreted as a bit sad, but really I wanted to convey lace as a symbol of our humanness. We are perfect beings, yet we are flawed (just like lace). We are also intricate creatures.

Thanks for a closer look at my seemingly superficial theme. With a closer look, we can learn so much more if we are awake!

Have a good weekend my friend!

***Felicia

I Am Here Kalliope Amorphous!!!

Oh my God!!! The post I reblogged below by Kalliope Amorphous is so awesome! Wow… This is exactly how I feel with regard to connection and disconnection. If I knew this person– I would surely indulge in a real world connection. In order to read the whole post, you have to **click** on the “reblogged from” link for a redirect to her web site. Please do it— I just reread the post and here I lay in sheer awe. Nin rocks! I am here Kalliope Amorphous!!!! I am out here. I am reading. I am listening with my heart. I am sincerely absorbing every word and feeling.
***Felicia

Transference of the Negative

~A Gift from Mar~

…………………………………

There is nothing I would
not do for those who are
really my friends. I have no
notion of loving people by
halves. It is not my nature.

•••• Jane Austen
…………………………………

Today was a hard day. I am thankful to have a special friend who always seems to help me feel better. I genuinely appreciate real people. Today my friend Mar gave me a pair of earrings and some words of encouragement. I hate being human sometimes. Being a robot would suit me well. I do love technology.

When I got home I insisted on crawling under the covers, which is unfair to my family. While I laid there listening to music blare through my headphones, something in me clicked. When we have a bad day, why should we make it worse by feeding negativity? I decided to shake it off and push through.

Instead of laying down I got up and hit a second workout for the day with 20 hard minutes on the stationary bike and several sets of abs. After that I sat with “D” and practiced writing and math. I feel so much better. I love happiness. I am real and I appreciate real people who are genuinely nice, thoughtful, and loving.

If we set our minds to it, we can easily succeed in the transference of negative energy into positive energy. Just like that. We just have to decide to do so.

Pain: A Writer’s Inspiration

~Nora Arnezeder and Ben Barnes portray Celia and the Young Man in “The Words.”~

••••••••••••••••••••••••
My tragedy was that I
loved words more than
the woman who inspired
me to write them.

~~The Old Man
(a character in “The Words”)

•••••••••••

At some point, you have
to choose between life
and fiction. The two are
very close but they never
actually touch. They are
two very, very different
things.

~~Clay Hammond
(a character in “The Words”)
••••••••••••••••••••••••

Tonight I watched the movie “The Words.” The film is based on a screenplay by Brian Klugman and Lee Sternthal. Rory (played by Bradley Cooper) is a tormented writer lead by fate to another tormented writer (the old man played by Jeremy Irons). The story of these two writers is told by a famous author named Clay Hammond. Hammond (played by Dennis Quaid) is yet another tormented writer. Zoë Saldana (Dora) and Olivia Wilde (Daniella) are also in this film.

Once again, I liked something that none of the critics liked. I thought that the movie had a lot of symbolism which I would love to explore at some point. It also made me think. As writers we often second guess ourselves or try to write what we believe others will like or what we hope will sell. To describe the surface of the film in short, it is a tragic story about a desperate writer who resorts to plagiarism. The deeper story confirms that the extremities of pleasure, but mostly pain can inspire us to write our very best.

“The Words” are those of a young military man inspired by pleasure, but driven to write by his pain. He starts the first page of a manuscript on the back of a goodbye note from his wife. The writing is later lost in Paris, thus it is never published by the original author. Years later, the manuscript is discovered by Rory in an old briefcase. Out of desperation the struggling writer successfully sells it as his own. His secret is inevitably discovered by the old man who is the real author of the manuscript.

One of the most powerful moments in the story was when the young writer hits rock bottom. While he is on his knees he looks up at Ernest Hemingway’s novel “The Sun Also Rises” (1926) and rips it from his bookshelf while thrashing all of his books and typewriter. The essence of Hemingway is a major symbol in the movie. That novel has been called one of Hemingway’s greatest works. It was a tragedy and was not favored by literary critics when he first published the work.

~The Young Man is driven to write his best and only work when Celia leaves him.~

I assume that “The Sun Also Rises” was in the original screenplay for this movie. There were so many connections to the story of each writer in “The Words.” Hemingway’s book included; an American journalist living in Paris; a café; a tragic love story; pain; a soldier; and it was based on real people and real life. I find it interesting that Klugman and Sternthal (the writers of the original screenplay) must have known that Hemingway completed that novel when he was separated from his first wife, Hadley Richardson.

For a moment I wondered if Klugman and Sternthal loosely based all three characters on Hemingway? Even Rory is silenced by a Hemingway plaque on a wall in Paris at one point. The writers of the screenplay for “The Words” must have planned a Hemingway connection into their characters? Some have said that Hemingway “unraveled” after his divorce from his first wife. It was during the couple’s initial separation that Hemingway completed his work on the infamous novel. The book was dedicated to his former wife and his son.

This movie is a must see for all writers. I was left pondering the fact that some of the most famous pieces of literature were written with a broken heart. Feelings of pleasure can insure that we put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. What is more intriguing is the fact that extreme pain is what makes a writer thrive. It is deep pain which inspires us to bleed out and leave a permanent stain.

An Immortal Legacy

•Stars and stripes in honor of Ben Lujan Sr.•

~~~
~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What we have done
for ourselves alone dies
with us; what we have
done for others and
the world remains
and is immortal.

~•Albert Pike
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~
~~~
Tonight I attended the services of a well respected member of my home town. Ben Lujan, Sr. was a Democratic member of the New Mexico House of Representatives. He represented his district for decades, and was the current Speaker of the House. To many he was even more than that. He was a father, a brother, a husband, a cousin, and a friend.

I wanted to pay my respects for several reasons. The main reason was for his son~ Ben Ray (or respectfully Congressman Lujan). Not long ago a very good friend of mine passed away in a tragic accident. Ben Ray and my friend Kim were very close when we were young. When she passed away, he made time to attend her services. That act alone~ amongst all of his accomplishments impressed me most. He is worth my respect and so is his family.

One of the most beautiful things I saw tonight was an American flag. The local fire department was flying the flag in Speaker Lujan’s honor. The flag flapped against the cold and dark with a single spotlight on it. It would have been wonderful to see our state flag waving in the wind as well. It was a very touching sight.

When I walked into the Ben Lujan Gymnasium, tonight, the musicians were singing El Shaddai. That was one of Kim’s favorite songs. It seemed so appropriate. Two large photo collages and a video with historic and family photos made me cry. My heart was breaking for another Lujan family as the entire valley gathered to remember a great man. Marcus Cicero once said that “the life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.” This is so true. He will forever be remembered.

I’m not sure why I ponder my own legacy when I am faced with the passing of those I know? Maybe it is because I am an archivist plagued by the clutches of history and genealogy? Maybe it is because I am highly analytical and contemplative? I do believe that our legacy truly lives on through our family ties.

After seeing all of the touching photos of Ben Sr. it became very clear to me. He was the well respected Speaker of the House, but that defined only a portion of his life. As Mitch Albom once said “death ends a life, not a relationship.” In the end~ it is our family which defines the larger part of who we really are or who we are yet to become.

In the end~ our legacy never stops. The torch is merely carried on by those who we have loved and touched in special ways. A legacy is indeed an immortal flame.