Fitness is Curative

This afternoon I had a horrible headache. I really started feeling it right before I left work for the day. When I got home, all I wanted to do was lay down and pass out. I tend to over think things and it can really be mentally exhausting. My eyes seriously felt like they were going to pop right out of my head!

I figured I would turn in super early and try to sleep off the pounding headache. Sometimes it’s torture for me to insist on dealing with aches naturally. I put on my headphones and started with some slow music by Tank. While I laid there I realized that a good sweat may be better for the ache. With a flick of the switch~ Fire Hive by Krewella got me up and out the door.

I was so right. A good workout took my headache away. I actually cranked out an awesome outdoor workout using: the wall (stiff legged deadlifts); a scaffold (pushups and pullups); pieces of flagstone (hammer curls and kickbacks); rebar (straight bar curls); a swing set (external hip raises and squats); and a lawn chair (scissors and crunches).

Next time you feel bad, try a workout. Sometimes we need to move in order to feel better. Now I will listen to Tank again and peacefully slip off into dream land. Fitness is indeed curative.

Taste Fire

With your mouth…
~~>feel flames.
With your heart…
~~>see destiny.
With your eyes…
~~>taste fire.

Felicia Lujan
5.2.2013

Bound to Burn by Felicia Lujan

So here is a moving image of my newest art piece. It is a highly symbolic colored pencil drawing. I was happy with the end result. When I showed it to my boss, she said I should contemplate becoming a part of Spanish Market here in Santa Fe, New Mexico. That would be as a contemporary artist of course. I’m thinking about it. Maybe it would be a good move for me? Let me know what you think about the piece and/or if you are deep, what you think it means? I would be curious?

~~~~~~~Felicia

¤- Ravish -¤

••••••
••••••••••
••••••••••••••
Like I owe my life
pillage my skin.
Make a mark where
you have been.
••••••••••••••
Like I’m a spark
honor the flame.
Melt to the core
I’ll do the same.
••••••••••••••
Like I’m the pain
seek a caustic script.
Just fill your veins
or take one sip.
••••••••••••••
Like I’m opaque
look into the deep.
Take the time and
feel a steady seep.
••••••••••••••
Like you’re hungry
ravish me whole.
Take all you want
and eat my soul.
••••••••••••••
••••••••••
••••••
by Felicia Lujan
December 26, 2012

¤ A Broken Bone ¤

~~The Wishbone~~

¤¤¤¤¤

A wish for just one bottled
flame capped with hope and
sorcery.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Though the glass will break,
I’ll try again. Just leave one
wish for me.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

A wish for moonlight and
the smell of rain so I could
lock the memory.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Though the clouds move in
and drops don’t fall, just
leave one wish for me.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

A wish for five more words
from you before you break
eternity.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Though the wishbone is
broken, I’ll ask again. Just
leave one wish for me.

¤¤¤¤¤

by Felicia Lujan
11.20.2012

»•«Candy Red»•«

»»»»»•••••«««««
Candy red like
burnt edges of
a floating memory.
Sweet and sour-
through the thickest
shell I cannot see.
»»»»»•••••«««««
Candy red like
lips on fire- steady
tainted by the flame.
Scorching words
to drive the calmest
minds insane.
»»»»»•••••«««««
Candy red like
the fastest car
catching another
forceful ray. Slow
down to taste the
sugar paint so you
can lose your way.
»»»»»•••••«««««
Candy red, not black
and blue like the
middle of my mind.
Licorice- flavoring
true- just the sweetest
thing you’ll find.
»»»»»•••••«««««

by Felicia Lujan
November 3, 2012

Like Smoke

***~~~~~***~~~~~***

 “There may be a great fire
in our soul, yet no one ever
comes to warm himself at it,
and the passers-by see
only a wisp of smoke.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~Vincent Van Gogh

 ***~~~~~***~~~~~***

~~Like Smoke Web Site Theme~~
Designed by Felicia Lujan

My new web site theme conveys an image of myself through the personification of smoke. Van Gogh said something along these lines once and I have used that quote as part of the theme. I have titled my new theme “Like Smoke” because I am~ well~ like smoke. I leave the interpretation of the properties of smoke up to you~ the reader~
you~ the viewer~ you~ the one who cares enough to interpret.

Burning Old Man Gloom

Last week my brother and his son went to go see Zozobra burn to the ground. For over 85 years, this creepy and super-sized marionette has been put to death as part of the Fiestas de Santa Fe. His burning is symbolic, still the burning of Old Man Gloom may be the strangest thing you have ever heard of if you are not from Santa Fe, New Mexico. I would even venture to say that maybe some New Mexicans may be a little frightened by the thought of the huge paper man Santa Fe torches each year. What are we thinking? To understand this tradition one has to look deeper. Zozobra or Old Man Gloom has come to be a symbol of our collective worries, heartaches, troubles, and hardships. The community burns him away along with any negativity they wish to shed for that particular year. I have seen him burn several times throughout my life and I must admit, it can be a bit scary. The goal of the event is to walk away better then you were before, spiritually and emotionally. So even if you do not attend the physical burning of the puppet, you are still able to symbolically clear your problems once the gloom is gone.

Article about Zozobra_Santa Fe New Mexican_9.4.1926

Over the years people have asked to stuff Old Man Gloom with all kinds of physical things. These are always things that they feel connected to, but need to disconnect from physically and emotionally. I have heard of court records, old letters, photographs, trinkets, and even a wedding dress being used as filling. These all being symbols of worries and/or containing negative energies. I have seen Zozobra being made and it is something. I think the year I went to watch him being constructed, his eyes were made using record albums which were painted with bright green glow in the dark paint. Before he goes up in flames, a fire dancer dressed in a red suit and ghosts or spirits appear at his feet. They dance around and terrorize the puppet with torches. I was a ghost when I was young, and I believe that was with my old friend Becky? The marionette never goes quietly. He moans, groans, and howls until the very end. Finally he is consumed by flames and the calls of a chanting crowd. The crowd yells “burn ‘im, burn ‘im,” and then they cheer wildly once he is set aflame and fireworks grace the night sky.

My nephew Isaiah (in the black shirt)
and his buddies at Zozobra 2012 in
Santa Fe, New Mexico. Old Man Gloom
is making his guest appearance in the back.
~~Photo by Thomas Lujan (my brother)

This tradition is credited to an artist by the name of Will Shuster (1893-1969). New Mexico has forever been home to the artistically mad. The artist invented the puppet in the 1920s, and according the the State Historian “his inspiration for Zozobra came from the Holy Week celebrations of the Yaqui Indians of Mexico; an effigy of Judas, filled with firecrackers, was led around the village on a donkey and later burned.” The word Zozobra derives from the Spanish word for gloominess. In 2007, the local newspaper published an online documentary about Zozobra. Ray Valdez was interviewed by the Santa Fe New Mexican and according to Valdez, the huge puppet is created by at least “700 volunteers,” uses “over $50,000 in resources,” and the event takes “an entire year to plan.” Zozobra is constructed using a wood and chicken wire frame and then he is covered in paper and paint. Since he is strapped with fireworks and is made of flammable material, he is quickly exhausted by flames and smoke (well almost always).

Article about Zozobra_Farmington Daily Times_8.30.1950

You can see some of the action here for yourself. I have included three YouTube videos of Zozobra. The first is footage from 1991. That is the earliest footage I came across on the tube tonight. I do know we have some older footage in the archives. There is one video of the burning of Old Man Gloom last year (2011), and also part one of a documentary. Next year, if you have troubles to squander, be sure to come to Santa Fe and “burn ‘im.” Honestly, I really can’t picture Santa Fe without the old man. We all have a little gloom to burn.

Wicked Flame

~~~~~““`~~~~~““`~~~~~““`~~~~~

Consumed and pinned by spirited
current~~ ready~ eventually
seduced by the wicked flame.
Burn the edge of endless reality
just to capture a flicker one
more time. Shadows beacon
nothingness~~ they always cling
to empty walls. Dripping spastic
pleasures into pools of molten
wax~~ the swirls~ the scent.
Potent wick welcome the wind.
Rebuff the heat, the light, and stars.
This flame~~~ depraving faster still~
and now vanish into heavy smoke.

by Felicia Lujan_8.29.2012

~~~~~““`~~~~~““`~~~~~““`~~~~~

~~~~~Felicia’s Candles~~~~~

Meaningful Coincidence: A Visit to the Spirit World

**THE PEACE PIPE**
Photograph by Carl Moon
Image No. 417717, Photography Collection
Miriam and Ira D. Wallach Division of Art, Prints and Photographs
New York Public Library

For the last few days, I have really been thinking about being mortal. Over the last few years, I have had a handful of strange dreams which I believe connected me to a spiritual dimension. Monday night following a friends funeral, I found myself wondering how people would remember me when I am gone? Last night I contemplated where I would be laid to rest? It may seem odd to think about these things- but I am a Virgo- a planner- I am organized- I feel that there is a place for everything and everything should be in it’s place. I simply care about the little things, and apparently my personal legacy. When my thoughts are heavy before I fall asleep I dream lucidly. After posting about my family in Mora, New Mexico last night, I had a dream about the mountains there. I could smell the clean air and the rain. I could see the beautiful land and distant sky. I felt connected to my history. That would be a good place for my ashes to whisk away on the curls of the Northern winds into the trees. The dream seemed real. This morning I was amazed to see that while I was in dream land, there was a woman with ties to the North Sea thinking about mortality, connection, and spirituality just like me.

On October 18, 2011, I wrote a short piece to honor one of the most spiritual men I have ever known who had passed away. The post was titled The Death of Cloud Eagle. Ernest Eugene “Bo” Mirabal “Cloud Eagle” a celebrated Nambe Pueblo artist, educator, spiritual and community leader, died on October 13, 2011. At the time of his death, his father Ernest Mirabal was the Governor of Nambe Pueblo. I interviewed Cloud Eagle as a reporter for the Santa Fe New Mexican in 2000, and loved his symbolic take on his art pieces as well as his feelings about connectedness. I had many lovely comments on that particular post. One was from Phillip Kansa “Spirit Bear.” Another was from Cloud Eagle’s daughter Nakiva Mirabal who said her father was “free and flying with the eagles.” A former Governor of Nambe Pueblo, Thomas Talache also weighed in. But because of my thoughts yesterday, and my dreams from last night, I was stunned to find a comment from one of Cloud Eagle’s friends on my site this morning- it was a meaningful coincidence.

Stefanie Neumann linked into my site in her post titled “Oneness in Diversity – Einheit in der Unterschiedlichkeit” through her blog titled Kokopelli Bee Free Blog. While I was sleeping she connected with me. She calls herself a “Dreamer. Visionary. Connector. Peacefounder. Adventurer. Teacher. Lerner. Writer. Embodied Spirit.” Her site also says she is a “teacher for New Consciousness.” Amazing! What I found most interesting about this was her partaking in the pipe ceremony yesterday in memory of Cloud Eagle. If you do not know about the importance of this ceremony to Native Americans and how it connects people to the spiritual world, here are some quick and dirty facts. The pipe symbolizes prayer, the smoke symbolizes words, the fire represents the sun and the source of all life. Those things smoked in the pipe have roots because they penetrate the earth (a symbol of our mortality) and the smoke rises to the heavens (a symbol of the immortality of our souls). Yes- yes- Stefanie Neumann’s connection to me at that specific moment in time was indeed a meaningful coincidence.

~~Inside Out~~

~~~~~Inside Out~~~~~
Original colored pencil drawing by Felicia Lujan
~~~~~July 2012~~~~~

Behold red stitches for they have
popped ~ reveal an oasis from within.
Great saboteur tether hearts and
stars ~ this is your greatest sin.

Furred with gimmicks, the basting
did give and yanked me inside out.
Outgrowth of feelings ~ emptiness,
fatuous without a single doubt.

Orchestra of nothingness meant
to rip my hearty chest apart.
Laconic one ~ zigzags were
gone right from the very start.

Redoubtable ~ the fire is strong,
flames burn batting while I shout.
There is no need grand saboteur,
but just to jilt me inside out.

~Felicia Lujan~
July 2012

~~~~~Flatline

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cocktail of epinephrine and saccharine
bliss would not resuscitate a solid flatline.
Close your eyes so that you can miss my
pulse which fades, slowly running out of time.
I search for a terminated flicker- bright red
and not seen but hollowed out within.
Be still the beats which lift souls to soar
for they know not where I have been.
The electric sparks depart. I will miss my
pulse when heart and flatline meet.
Devoid of all and none- only a fiery
Molotov cocktail lives to steady choke each beat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

by Felicia Lujan_6.29.2012

Ancestral Puebloan Cry

*****Ancestral Puebloan*****
19 x 25 inch colored pencil and ink drawing
created by Felicia Lujan in about 1993.

A couple of weeks ago, my mom called me and told me that she had a couple of things to give me. She had come across an old colored pencil/ink drawing I created almost 20 years ago, and she also had the video footage of my college graduation. Of course I told her I wanted both back. Last weekend I watched the video footage. It was fun to watch in retrospect, but what was most important was a tiny piece of footage unrelated to my graduation. It was footage of my grandmother (now deceased) right at the beginning. I could have gone without the hour long video of me smiling and making funny faces at the camera for less than a minute of footage of my grandma. There were a few people in the shot, and I was apparently standing off to the side. My grandma Corine urged me to get in the frame. I cried when I heard her say my name in her cute little voice. After I watched the video, I stayed looking at my old, oversized artwork. It is rather mind blowing that I penciled this Ancestral Puebloan almost two decades ago way before I cared about my family history. I made the picture for my mother so many years before and had it framed for her. Ironically, I got my picture back from my mother, with a moving image of her mother, and my direct maternal DNA is tied to Native ancestry. Thinking back, I don’t remember why I selected that particular subject matter for the colored pencil/ink drawing? What matters now is the connection between each item and the subject matter, as well as how I feel about it. Everything happens for a reason. It was time for those two pieces of history from my maternal line to return to me.

*****Ancestral Puebloan*****
Framed 19 x 25 inch colored pencil and ink drawing
created by Felicia Lujan in about 1993.

********************
Ancestral Puebloan Cry

Earthen paths of directions lost,
link me to the strand of time.

Guide steps through knowledge gates
so I connect each dot to line.

Untie my hands to feel the past.
Tie what’s inside me to the stars.

Draw water from this flowing
stream and teach me of your wars.

I am bound by fire. Ancestor I
will endure and live another day.

Reveal the path, I’ll hear your cry
and bless your body where it lay.

Forge the sky to feed my heart,
which beats with Native drum.

Whisper to me on the wind–
where is my mother from?

********************

by Felicia Lujan_6.27.2012

Burnin’ Up with Ne-Yo

Ne-Yo has a new video that is sure
to be a good one to run to! Ironically
it’s a video for liqua— and I *rarely*
drink cuz I gotta hit the gym with
a clear mind and an I’m feelin’ good
attitude! There are some nice beats
in the song and I’m sure Ne-Yo was
the writer… I’ll run a few to this!

Captured Without Sword: Symbolization in Snow White and the Huntsman

***The Golden Queen Ravenna***
Digital composite by Felicia Lujan.
Includes three movie screenshots
and one abstract design.

First a few thoughts aside from my look at the symbols in this movie… Charlize Theron was smokin’ hot- I mean with a capital “S.” Her acting was excellent, and she had the look of straight crazy in her eyes more than a few times. I could tell that she had been completely consumed by her character, which I loved. She *became* the Evil Queen Ravenna. She ruled the movie! I guess I have always been really impressed with her acting since her role in Monster (2003). Kristen Stewart did a good job as Snow White, though her hair was not black. I did have a little bit of a hard time forgetting about her Twilight roles. I think that a good actor or actress can *become* their character flawlessly. A great actor/actress is so good that we can feel their roles devour them. I give Kristen an “A” for effort. She will get to where she needs to be as an actress now that she has discovered new roles to shed Bella. Chris Hemsworth was good as the Huntsman. I did forget he was Thor, but my son didn’t! I liked that Evan Daugherty and Martin Solibakke made the Huntsman strong and masculine, but were not scared to show his vulnerable/sensitive side. This movie did have some scenes which shattered gender stereotypes, which I liked.

____________________________________________________

There were several themes and scenes tied into the symbols I derived from Snow White and the Huntsman. Unlike other people who may have reviewed this movie, I looked at it as a stand alone piece. Though it was based on the Brothers Grimm fairytale, the writers for this movie deserve credit, and a deeper look at what their writing was intended to convey to the audience. Following are a few concepts I identified in the film- these were: valuables versus the illusion of valuables; fire and water; heart and heartlessness; kindness and hatefulness; good and evil or light and darkness; freedom and captivity; connection and disconnection; and life and death. In the same order, here are some of the things I noted (yes I took notes) with regard to these concepts.

Valuables and the Illusion of Valuables

I found it interesting that in this movie, the Evil Queen’s mirror was gold. It was not an actual mirror, tough a reflection could be seen in the large golden plate. Not only is the mirror gold in this version of the tale, but the spirit in the mirror is actually a golden three dimensional figure. I think that this fortifies the value that Ravenna has placed on superficial beauty. I believe that this is an illusion of value. Though it is nice to be beautiful, true beauty can only be felt. It can not be seen. This is why Snow remains the “fairest” in the land. When Queen Ravenna demands that the Huntsman track and kill Snow White, she says that he will be “rewarded handsomely.” The Queen uses love to convince him, but he is not easily fooled by the illusion of value. He tells her “what good is gold if I am lying dead with crows picking at my eyes?” At one point in the movie, Snow and the Huntsman end up seeking refuge in a large village of scarred women. There are no men in the village as they are all off fighting for freedom. These women have deliberately defaced themselves to avoid the venomous clutches of the life force sucking Ravenna. The women selected for these roles were beautiful, but the writers gave them scars. The scars added value to their lives, as they got to live longer because the Queen did not want them.

Fire and Water, Heart and Heartless, Kindness and Hatefulness

In the beginning, as a child, Snow White finds an injured bird and takes it to her mother. The mother tells Snow that she has inner beauty because she wishes to help the bird. She is immediately cast in the light of kindness. Also in the beginning, fire appears in the mirror when Queen Ravenna first summons the mirror spirit. This could symbolize a few things. Maybe her fervent obsession with beauty? Could it be her heartlessness and hatefulness? The fire could also foreshadow her demise. In the last scene of the movie, Ravenna is consumed by fire while she is burning with rage. At one point as a prisoner of Ravenna, Snow starts a fire in her bare hands as she says a prayer. She can be seen as the kind, spiritual, fire starter with heart. In her case, the fire could symbolize passion versus obsession. Hearts can also be connected with fire. When one is passionate about something, they are often described as “on fire.” Both are also red. Yes- the heartless and dark Ravenna eats Sparrow hearts. This act could symbolize the Queen’s ability to take life and freedom from people. The heart beats when we are alive, and flight is a symbol of freedom. Ravenna also takes the life out of the heart of a man who tries to kill her. The movie has several references to water. When Snow escapes the Evil Queen she jumps into the ocean. Water is a symbol of life, and continuance. There is also the very symbolic tears in the movie.

Good and Evil, Light and Darkness

Snow White is a historically established symbol of purity and innocence. There are the bad birds- the Ravens, and the good birds in the Sanctuary. The good birds in the Sanctuary are the same type of bird that Snow saved as a child. The mirror also tells Ravenna “her innocence and purity is all that can destroy you, but she is also your salvation.” Ravenna’s mirror tells her that consuming Snow White’s heart will allow her to live forever,” which means “immortality.” The colors black and white are prominent in the movie echoing the symbolism of good and evil/light and dark. Some of the black things included: Ravenna’s attire; the Ravens; black smoke; the black horses in Ravenna’s dark army; the apple rotting to black in Snow’s hand; and an oil like substance present when Ravenna’s powers are weak. Some of the white things included: a Stag with tree branches for antlers; a horse; birds; a dress worn by Snow White; and the snow.

Freedom and Captivity

A major symbol of freedom and captivity was Snow White’s break away from being a delicate princess. She became a lover of the sword and found freedom through strength. Snow escapes from Ravenna’s dungeon, and several birds like the one she saved as a child fly around and surround her. Again, birds and flight can be interpreted as Snow regaining freedom. When the princess escapes into water, and surfaces on the beach, she encounters the white horse. The horse carries her away to her freedom, thus it can be seen as a symbol of such. The “Sanctuary” in the movie represents freedom. It is one place where Queen Ravenna has no power. It is also the place where magical creatures live. The Sanctuary is the “home of the fairies.” Several winged things in the movie symbolize freedom- there are birds, fairies, butterflies, and fireflies. Freedom and captivity can also be seen in Snow’s love interest. She feels free to break away from Prince William, because she has been captured by the Huntsman.

Connection and Disconnection

When he is feeling bad, he seems to drink, so Snow White asks the Huntsman if he “drinks to drown his sorrows?” He drinks constantly in the movie in an attempt to disconnect from his pain. When the Huntsman begins to train Snow on how to fight with a sword, he takes her firmly and says “you stab him in them heart and look into their eyes until you can see their soul.” It was at that moment that the characters were set by the writers to fall in love. At that moment, he looked deeply into her soul and she into his. The Huntsman captured Snow White with no force. She was captured by a simple gaze. Snow White disconnects from Prince William as she begins to develop a deep connection to the Huntsman. In one scene as Snow and the Huntsman are about to be killed by a troll, she also connects with the beast and they are let be. A theme of trust is also heavy in connection. Another symbol of disconnection is when Queen Ravenna kills the King. The King’s goblet with blood red wine crashes to the floor.

Life and Death

After Ravenna killed the King (Snow White’s father) “the land died and with it hope” under her rule. Ravenna consumes the life spirit of the beautiful to stay young and attractive. This process gives her beauty and life force. It does not always literally kill the person, but it does take their life. When the Seven Dwarfs capture Snow White and the Huntsman, the eldest can sense her goodness. He says “she is of the blood,” meaning the royal bloodline. Blood is a symbol of both life and death. The dwarf says “I can see an end to the darkness.” She then tells them she is the late King’s daughter. One of the dwarfs says “you have eyes Huntsman, but you do not see.” The elder dwarf tells the Huntsman “she is life itself. She will heal the land. She is the one. Do you not feel it?” Here again you can see that true beauty is felt not seen. The poisoned apple is a symbol of death and life all at once. The fruit nourishes, but the apple has been poisoned.

In the end, when Snow dies after eating the apple, she is kissed by Prince William. It was then that the audience awaited her awakening. You had to know she wouldn’t wake, as it was not true love’s kiss. Snow did not awaken until the Huntsman visited her lifeless body. There he sat drinking by her side. The Huntsman talked to Snow about her heart and her spirit. He leaned down to kiss her, and he shed a tear on her cheek. She was awakened by the provocation of her own tears, and her deep love and respect for the Huntsman. He had taken her heart, but in a much different way than anyone had expected. When Snow White kills the Queen she tells her “you can’t have my heart,” that is so symbolic- as it is really the Huntsman who has her heart. Snow now rules the kingdom, but she will rule with a tree branch as a scepter not gold. This scepter a symbol of growth and life, and a return to roots.