Take Me There

Flowers bloomed.
Each petal split
with radiant glory.
Inviting scents
lingered in the
air and she said
take me there.

Clouds were sweet
and heavenly. She
tasted the mist.
Drops clung to her
skin like the sheets
of new lovers. She
said take me there.

Oceans purred with
gentle tongues. The
waves collapsed to
beg for more and she
said take me there.

Wind so strong it
pushed her soul,
delivering each
dream. Reaching
to touch she said
just leave me there.

by Felicia Lujan
1.31.2013

A Token of Appreciation

~Christmas Corsages~
by Felicia Lujan

Tonight I listened to President Obama’s memorial service speech in Connecticut while I did something special for a few people from my son’s school. If I didn’t believe in connectivity I would think it was merely coincidental. It was an occurrence in sync with the world’s thoughts. I was glad that I was able to listen in while I worked with love. It was easy to absorb the words of a father and leader. I reflected on things in my own life. Obama actually included scripture that my friend Marlene posted on my site yesterday.

It is important to show Daryn’s teacher, my maternal aunt Mary (who also happens to be the secretary), another secretary, three ladies who work in the lunchroom, the principal and the assistant principal how much I appreciate them. I appreciate them making my son feel like he is more then a number. I appreciate them taking the time to smile everyday. I appreciate them helping me out when I forget my son’s breakfast in the morning or his money for school store. I appreciate them standing in the freezing cold each morning holding a little flag to make sure students cross the road safely.

My grandma Corine always loved getting a handmade corsage for Christmas. There is not one time I can remember that I made her one and she did not wear it proudly. Sometimes I miss being a floral designer. Creativity and giving both make me feel so good. In total I made seven corsages and one boutonniere. They are beautiful. I hope that each time someone compliments the flowers they wear tomorrow they remember how special they are. Hopefully this small token of appreciation will bring warmth in the cold.

~Corsage Prep~

~Christmas Corsage~
by Felicia Lujan

~Gift Bags for Corsages~
Daryn put the bells on the gift bags.

Spewing History

All I can say for tonight is that I seriously feel like throwing up! I have a severe case of information overload and I was overwhelmed by the vast amount of history in Washington, DC. I am now back in Annapolis and it is 11:55pm here, 9:55pm~ New Mexico time. My feet hurt, my brain is aching, and my stomach is sick. There is just so much history. It was so much to take in. I didn’t get to see many things I really wanted to see because I only had one day. I spent like 14 hours in DC and I am now ready for bed. In one day I went on a White House Tour, kicked it with my cousin Melanie and her son Luke, visited the Natural History Museum, went on a Capitol Tour, and then visited the Library of Congress, Air and Space Museum, National Archives, Washington Monument, and the Lincoln Memorial. I have so much to share and write about, but for tonight I will leave you with one quote taken from the National Archives Building and two interesting JFK images. I captured his painting pondering fresh roses (the spiral being my symbol) in the White House. I was also shocked to see his initials prominently cloaking the National Archives (of course). I didn’t know about a new exhibit there highlighting records associated with the Cuban Missile Crisis in the early 1960s. The exhibit draws from the collections of the Kennedy Library and the National Archives. Now it is time to take a bath, eat a pumpkin cheesecake, then go to bed with a full stomach and a full head.

~Quote of the Day from the National Archives Building~

The heritage of the past is the seed that
brings forth the harvest of the future.

~JFK Exhibit Banner on the National Archives Building~

~JFK Pondering the Roses at the White House~

~~Weight of My Heart~~

~~Weight of My Heart~~
Digital composite by Felicia Lujan

~~Weight of My Heart~~

My heart is heavy.
It is gilded for the
deepest warfare.
Only I can offer
the purest carats~
untouched by falsity.
This weight can crush
the strong and weak
while platinum strings
are tugged so carelessly.
This heart of hearts~
impenetrable~
still penetrated
time and time again.
My heart is heavy.
This weightiness
a blessing~
at times a curse.
In the end I can only
hope that the scale
offers proof to
Gods and Men.

by Felicia Lujan
November 26, 2012

Roses for Women

~Flower Arrangements by Felicia_11.22.2012~

These are two arrangements I just made. One is for my mother and the other is for my paternal grandmother. I am sure it is a good way to say thank you. I was a floral designer for several years back in the day. I still have fun with it and have done flowers for a handful of weddings, proms, and funerals. These arrangements are simple small tokens of appreciation for two wonderful women in my family.

~Kill Switch~

 

~KILL SWITCH~
Original poem and digital composite by Felicia Lujan
Composite features seven layers and six images including: labyrinthine circuit board lines; an Ethernet switch; a blue light; a sugar skull; a blue rose; and the number one doubled. “A kill switch, also known as an e-stop, is a security mechanism used to shut off a device in an emergency situation in which it cannot be shut down in the usual manner. Unlike a normal shut-down switch/procedure, which shuts down all systems in an orderly fashion and turns the machine off without damaging it, a kill switch is designed and configured to a) completely abort the operation at all costs and b) be operable in a manner that is quick, simple (so that even a panicking user with impaired executive function can operate it), and, usually, c) be obvious even to an untrained operator or a bystander. Many kill switches feature a removable barrier or other protection against accidental activation.”

~KILL SWITCH~

______________________________

“All systems failed,” molten overload~
smoke clouds my eyes so I can’t see.

Shatter my sky with electric sparks
until I writhe with needless agony.

______________________________

Technologist~delight supreme~ the
bits and bytes eat an ever shrouded heart.

Penchant one please hit the switch, flesh
on my knees gone from the start.

______________________________

Only heat can melt away frostbitten
dreams of eternal sleepy nights.

No earthly tribute would ever satiate
or bring my face into the light.

______________________________

This debility a poison true,
every wire flushed out with pain.

Intangible~ you should reach for it.
Hit the kill switch~ keep me sane.

_____________________________

by Felicia Lujan
October 19, 2012

Like Smoke

***~~~~~***~~~~~***

 “There may be a great fire
in our soul, yet no one ever
comes to warm himself at it,
and the passers-by see
only a wisp of smoke.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~Vincent Van Gogh

 ***~~~~~***~~~~~***

~~Like Smoke Web Site Theme~~
Designed by Felicia Lujan

My new web site theme conveys an image of myself through the personification of smoke. Van Gogh said something along these lines once and I have used that quote as part of the theme. I have titled my new theme “Like Smoke” because I am~ well~ like smoke. I leave the interpretation of the properties of smoke up to you~ the reader~
you~ the viewer~ you~ the one who cares enough to interpret.

Bleed Out

~Bleed Out~
Digital composite by Felicia Lujan

~words hemorrhage from mind and soul~

~veins discharge a heavy silken ink~

~expel the pleasure to induce a dream~

~this pen a weapon used to teleport~

~release the heart of hearts by fingertips~

~paper leeching red drips like melting snow~

~increase blood flow to the messenger~

~heat lost when writer’s cramp sets in~

~regulate my soul unhindered voice~

~supply oxygen when tip and pages meet~

by Felicia Lujan

September 28, 2012

Who Needed the Last Rose?

Every year I cautiously watch the last rose of summer. She is always there waiting for me when I say goodbye to the day and head home. The rose is one of my symbols. Maybe she waits to be plucked or maybe she waits to fade away into the darkness of winter? Over the years I have come to love her. When l leave work I pass her by~~ offering her water~ leaving her a drink~ enjoying her beauty~ maybe even touching her. Yesterday when I left work I was sad to see that she was gone. The last rose of summer did not die a natural death. At first I was upset when I witnessed the green, bare stub. The glory of summer was gone~~ removed~ detached~ and absent. Once I was over my loss, I realized that someone obviously needed her more than I. Maybe someone needed to cup beauty? Maybe someone needed to tell someone else they were loved with the last rose as an offering? Maybe someone gave her to a sick mother? Maybe someone really needed her to come undone petal by petal~ to find out if someone else loved or loved them not? I do know that the last rose did not have her chance to embrace the cold. She will not see Old Man Winter this year. Maybe it is better that way? I don’t know what happened to the last rose? Whatever happened, I know she was plucked because she was needed~~ and I do think that is beautiful.

11*****Posted using WordPress for BlackBerry*****11

Birthday Beats and Symbols

***My Monster- Beats by Dr. Dre Photo Shoot***
Hahahahahahaaaaa

Tonight I will go to bed one year older than I was last year! I don’t know if that should be an exclamation point after that sentence or a sad face – but I do feel like I am getting better with age. I am happy with the woman I have become and I think I am still striving to learn, grow and love. The best story of the day came from my mom. She told me about when I was born. Way back then (haha) it was actually Labor Day on September 1^st. My mom said “there was a lot of labor involved that day,” and we both laughed. My mom said she and my dad had to fight through a grip of traffic to get to the hospital. It was fiesta weekend here in Santa Fe and the hospital was downtown near the plaza back then. She remembers that the parade had just started. Apparently there were long lines of traffic. I kinda wonder if she and my dad were thinking that they may have to deliver me in the car? My mom got the killer shot to have me, but before she let that needle into her back, she had to be pinned down by not one but two nurses. I told her “that was the first sign that I was going to be a pain in the ass!” Great story… Anyhow- I got so many wonderful gifts from my family and friends. I do want to take the time to say thank you. I couldn’t believe that 99.9% of my gifts featured symbols which I identify with like bird, feather, and spiral. Amazing!! It was nice to receive: a call from my godmother Rita; HBD texts from my Dad, my friend Britney, and my friend Tammy; and some money from my Mom and Gilbert and my mother-in-law. My most practical gift that I am super psyched about are the Monster Beats by Dr. Dre headphones. Yesssss!! Daryn and Mike hooked me up with them and I must say that I will sleep in those suckers!! Today was a good day. I ate a lot of killer food. Now I am ready to get back on the workout tomorrow with my awesomely black, red, glossy, bass banging, voice recognition havin’, beat ripping headphones! Nice…..
I breathe music!
Like you didn’t know?!

***Monster- Beats by Dr. Dre***
Solo HD featuring Control Talk
A Gift from Daryn and Mike on 9.1.2012

 

***Insert with the Beats Headphones***
This features some of my favorites
David Guetta, Lady Gaga, and Lebron James

 

***Birthday Cards**
From Tom, Mom and Laura on 9.1.2012

 

***Purple Flowers***
A Gift from my Mom on 9.1.2012

 

***A Notebook and Fancy Purple Pens***
A Gift from Sibel on 8.31.2012

 

***Measuring Spoon Set with Little Birds***
(birds and feathers are symbols I identify with)
A Gift from Gail on 9.1.2012

 

***Spiral Tunes Wind Chime***
(the spiral is a symbol I identify with)
A Gift from Laura, Thomas and Isaiah on 9.1.2012

 

***Apple Pastry from Cafe Ole***
A Gift from Melissa on 8.31.2012

 

***Handmade Purple and Silver Spiral Earrings***
(the spiral is a symbol I identify with)
A Gift from my Mom on 9.1.2012

 

Special Friends

I am really blessed to be surrounded by good people. Today I received two gifts from two different women. Both of these women are very special to me. They may not even realize that the true gift I receive from them is real friendship. They both take the time to listen to me. I love to connect to people in profound ways. There is a difference between hearing someone and truly listening to a person from the soul.

The first gift I received was from my friend Marlene. I have known Marlene for many years. She is a wonderful woman with a heart of gold. If I ever needed someone to talk to, I know I could call on her. I opened my gift and there were several thoughtful things inside- there was a candle (which she knows I love), hand sanitizer (which she knows I can’t live without), and a ice cream parlor scratcher (because she knows I need to hit the lottery- haha). The most special box waited for my eyes. When I opened it, I immediately looked up at her and said “one of my signs?!” She said “yes— the spiral!” She has given me the most beautiful necklace and matching ear set which features one of my signs, the rose. I should have known Marlene the secret poet was listening to me all along. I love her for being so in tune with the world around her.

**A gift from Marlene**
A necklace and ear set featuring
one of my symbols- a rose.
8.27.2012

This evening I received another thoughtful gift from my friend Britney. Brit may well be the sweetest thing since peach pie. She is a lovely lady who I have shared laughs, music, and heart to heart talks with. Her smile is captivating and reliable. I don’t think I have ever seen this woman in a bad mood?? Britney came over tonight with two little boxes in stripy paper. One contained a long sandstone incense burning box with a small holder on the inside. The other box contained “Earth” incense sticks. How did she know I would love this? Because she listens to me. I immediately popped open the incense and burned a stick to see how it worked. The box smokes and looks so mystical. I love it! I have to say thank you to both of these amazing women. I thank them for their heartfelt gifts, but most of all I thank them for the most appreciated gift of all- taking the time to go deep. They are both special and they both know what it means to be a real friend.

**A gift from Britney**
Mystical Incense Box
8.27.2012

A Rose and Caviar

This piece is an exploration of value. So many of us are
obsessed with having expensive things, yet we fail to
recognize those things which have true intrinsic value.

<>~~~~~~~<>~~~~~~~<>
I should be soaring away
with my head tilted slightly
toward the gods, feeding on
the caviar of Shakespeare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~Laurence Olivier
<>~~~~~~~<>~~~~~~~<>

*****A Rose and Caviar*****
Digital composite includes one photograph I took of my hand and a rose, as well as “gold” beads which are symbolic of caviar or riches. The rose is a symbol of many things. I am also wearing gold “caviar” nail polish (Britney ).

A ROSE AND CAVIAR

Sit and feed on caviar. It does not
give breath to unhinged dreams.
She asked him just to keep the
rose and all of the finer things.

 

Finger sparkles as he may, never
revealing diamonds in the rough.
In her hands she holds the clouds.
That has always been enough.

 

He will lick the sun before he sleeps,
still the gold he will not taste.
She values pleasure above all things
and heart she will not waste.

 

What she wants is never for sale,
but it’s worth currency unreal.
In her soul the rapture remains,
so she wants for him to feel.

 

She would sit and swallow caviar
hinged to everything she heard.
He asked if she would keep the
rose if it was simply just his word.

 by Felicia Lujan
August 25, 2012

Deflowering Virgo

I wanted to share my new colored pencil piece titled Deflowering Virgo. In her book Unearthly, Cynthia Hand wrote “I think he seriously believes that deflowering an angel could mean an eternity in fiery hell.” The ocean is a mystical place and I often feel that it is another world. Underwater we can float like angels or sink into darkness. The creatures and the colors are unreal. The unknown things lurking in the sea are frightening, yet energizing. In this piece, Poseidon, God of the Sea deflowers a Virgo in his dreams. She is symbolized by a literal flower centered with a spiral. There is also heavy symbolism tied to water. A phallic scepter wields the sign of his Virgo. I have just been having fun with experimentation. This took me about five months to finish. I worked on it on and off since March, and I finished it yesterday. I have a new piece in mind already, but I’m still working out the details in my head.

~~Inside Out~~

~~~~~Inside Out~~~~~
Original colored pencil drawing by Felicia Lujan
~~~~~July 2012~~~~~

Behold red stitches for they have
popped ~ reveal an oasis from within.
Great saboteur tether hearts and
stars ~ this is your greatest sin.

Furred with gimmicks, the basting
did give and yanked me inside out.
Outgrowth of feelings ~ emptiness,
fatuous without a single doubt.

Orchestra of nothingness meant
to rip my hearty chest apart.
Laconic one ~ zigzags were
gone right from the very start.

Redoubtable ~ the fire is strong,
flames burn batting while I shout.
There is no need grand saboteur,
but just to jilt me inside out.

~Felicia Lujan~
July 2012

Finding the Beauty Within

*****Finding the Beauty Within*****
Digital composite by Felicia Lujan. Includes two images- one of a Roman statue of a woman (using a colored pencil artistic filter), and an abstract spiral design.

Following is my overdue look at beauty for analysis
by Sahm of the Arkside of Thought…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beauty… What is my interpretation? I have never been asked. Beauty can be many things. It can be shallow. It can be deep. It can inspire. It can cause pain. Maybe you will spend your whole life looking for beauty because you are asleep? If you look up the definition of beauty, you will find definitions which say “a combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses (especially the sight)” or “a combination of qualities that pleases the intellect.”

The first question I asked myself when I started to write this was— when you think of beauty what do you feel? So I had already decided that beauty begins with a feeling. Feelings come from our psyche and our soul. Yes we all have eyes, and beauty can be superficial, but I think real beauty is so much deeper. It may also depend on: our professions; how we were nurtured; how we dream; or even what we care about or value. Like what about the book by Gary William Flake titled The Computational Beauty of Nature: Computer Explorations of Fractals, Chaos, Complex Systems, Adaptation? Or what about the article by Przemyslaw Prusinkiewicz and Aristid Lindenmayer titled The Algorithmic Beauty of Plants: The Virtual Laboratory? Are computers and plants beautiful? I think they are!

If I were writing my very own dictionary, beauty would need to be defined using multiple facets. For instance- I believe that the word beauty can be defined at least three ways. The hierarchy would start on the most basic level and would then work down to the most complex. I would also note that beauty does not simply apply to people. The most complex level would include those people and things which can be deemed beautiful because they touch us in profound ways. There is a great piece by Percy Bysshe Shelley titled Hymn to Intellectual Beauty. In this hymn, the writer mentions “unseen power” and the “spirit of beauty.” The most complex definition of the word beauty would include things which touch us to the very core. These are the things which will melt your mind. I must admit I have grown tired of the simple ways of looking at beauty. When you are truly awake, you will see all the beauty around you. It may be beauty you have never noticed or maybe the beautiful things you have missed.

My first definition would be superficial beauty. This would include the eyes or sight, and a symmetrical look at other people or things. I mean— how perfect are things visually? A second definition would be inner beauty or an asymmetrical look at people or things. That would be the beauty within ourselves or the beauty within another person or thing regardless of looks. What can I say? You know the third definition is my favorite and is also all encompassing. My third definition of beauty would be conscious beauty. This would be the ultimate form of beauty. This form of recognizing beauty involves all of our senses- sight, touch, scent, and listening. It is more than superficial beauty, and it is more than inner beauty. This type of beauty is something that moves you in a way that you have never been moved. When are you awake?? Now, when you think of something beautiful, what do you feel? When you experience conscious beauty you will tap your most intimate, and deepest feelings. Your spirit will be touched. That is true beauty.