A Faceless, Fluid Dream

~Moment of Realization~ I gaze in the fish tank right at my bedside each night before I drift off to sleep. This glass dolphin in my tank is a symbol of fluid movement. He is glass. He is clear. He is faceless.

“We awaken when we
realize that the dream
is just a dream. The
dream is fluid and
can change at will.”

•~~» Felicia Lujan

Ending the Day in Heaven

~Ending the day in heaven (oh, I mean the bathtub) surrounded by my beloved candles and bubbles.~

Today was a good day. I got a lot of things done. Hopping from one thing to the next I stayed busy all day.

I started by completing about half of a newspaper preservation project I’m working on. It took a few hours to photograph and encapsulate the pages of a newspaper that is over 100 years old. I also completed research associated with the Battle of Puebla and Cinco de Mayo. Maybe if I’m lucky, I will finish the entire project by tomorrow night for my friend and her family.

Now that it is starting to warm up it’s nice. It was the first day I was able to hang clothes out on the line. Clothes are softer straight out of the dryer, but it wastes so much energy. During the winter I wait patiently for the chance to use my clothes line.

After that I moved from: planting sunflowers in just the right spot; to filling up a swimming pool equip with toys for D; to listening to Tank while getting my tan on; to grilling it up; to cleaning up; and then to washing dishes. See? No liquor on Friday night and eating right obviously payed off today!

I ended the night in sheer heaven (oh, I mean the bathtub) surrounded by my beloved candles. I don’t use the tub often because I feel bad about wasting water. Once in a while it is a glorious treat! It was great to close the day listening to my chimes in the wind while emerged in luxurious bubbles.

Time for some sweet dreams.

Merciless Harpy

The Harpy Eagle is a powerful raptor found in the rainforests of Mexico, Central and South America.

Rain doesn’t stop
when the majestic
bird feeds.

A victim, helpless,
but Harpy takes
what he needs.

In merciless
pursuit this Jungle
Eagle does fly.

Heavyweight
hunter, quick to
take to his sky.

Talons so sharp
and set to pierce
insides out.

The badge, a
mortal wound
without one
single shout.

A ferocious
bird seeks his
needful prey.

In a rainforest
deep, Harpy Eagle,
hide away.

The life of a
martyr offers the
sweetest pain.

When the Harpy
draws close, some
can smell the rain.

King of all Eagles
that have ever been
felt and seen.

Tonight I shall
crawl into your
lair and dream
to be Queen.

Felicia Lujan
4.28.2013

The Loss of Tradition

•Cherry Blossoms and The Acequia_3.23.2013•

Today I participated in the annual cleaning of the acequia in Pojoaque. New Mexico’s acequia system is comprised of several communal irrigation canals. Some parts are dirt and some parts are paved. Some parts are narrow and some parts are wide. These canals or ditches play an essential role in the community I grew up in.

The mayordomo (water master or “ditch boss”) of the acequia is trusted by his neighbors to make critical decisions. The ditches are governed by the boss and by the community members. Mayordomos oversee the distribution of and rights to water. The boss also plans meetings, in addition to coordinating repairs and the annual cleanings.

This year my participation was bitter sweet. For centuries acequias have been cleaned and repaired almost exclusively by men. I was the only woman on the crew today. I am good with a shovel and I’m not scared to break a nail. There is only one other woman I know who cleans the ditches each year. Why does it have to be that way? More women should take pride in their traditions. While most people would opt to pay– we decided to work. It was not an easy task but it did make me feel good.

I was also disappointed to see that there were only three young men on the crew (one was my son). These days it is rare to find parents who want to pass on traditions. Most children are not willing to participate. It made me proud to see my son under bridges and in the mud with his mini shovel. My son was the youngest worker. It was his 1st time cleaning the acequia. He didn’t complain for several hours. At the very end we all grew tired and he said he wanted Subway.

I don’t want to see another casualty in our traditions. More people, young people, and women should take pride in preserving our acequia system. I was told that less than 10 representatives of at least 60 properties showed up for the cleaning. Water is a sacred resource. Ditches have been used communally for so long that they are now part of us.

•Daryn in part of the Acequia_3.23.2013•

•Pojoaque Acequia Crew_3.23.2013•

Unpredictable

•Friday Night Storm Clouds•
………………………………….by Felicia Lujan

What is it about the weather? It’s so unpredictable. Elements are cutting. Illusions of summer entertain a frigid antagonist. I shiver. I sink and wait for a reluctant warmth. What is it about the weather in New Mexico? Clouds go and come just to bring the rain. I shimmer. I float and wait for the winds of change. What is it about the weather? It is always unpredictable. Elements are piercing. The illusion of a ray of light is quickly swept away with storms.

by Felicia Lujan
3.8.2013

~• Overcast •~

Overcast day in Santa Fe~ 2.3.2013~
Photograph by Felicia Lujan

……………………………….

Clouds may ransom an
overcast heart~ still rain
will never fall to shake
her leaves.

~~~Felicia Lujan
……………………………….

Take Me There

Flowers bloomed.
Each petal split
with radiant glory.
Inviting scents
lingered in the
air and she said
take me there.

Clouds were sweet
and heavenly. She
tasted the mist.
Drops clung to her
skin like the sheets
of new lovers. She
said take me there.

Oceans purred with
gentle tongues. The
waves collapsed to
beg for more and she
said take me there.

Wind so strong it
pushed her soul,
delivering each
dream. Reaching
to touch she said
just leave me there.

by Felicia Lujan
1.31.2013

•Sea of Tears•

~~~~~~~~~~••~~~~~~~~~~
I would walk 5 million miles
just to fall right at your feet.
My back could ache. I could
fall apart, but my heart would
skip a beat.
~~~~~~~~~~••~~~~~~~~~~
If you asked me for a ray of
light, I’d bottle up the sun.
There would be endless night
and starry eyes until you
decided you were done.
~~~~~~~~~~••~~~~~~~~~~
I would drink of skull and
bones, if I had one last request.
My throat may close. My pulse
would grow weak, but I’d put
this body to the test.
~~~~~~~~~~••~~~~~~~~~~
If you asked me for an ocean
view, I would cry a sea of
tears. My well would dry, but
I could use the waves to
whisper right into your ear.
~~~~~~~~~~••~~~~~~~~~~
I would run 5 hours straight
to peep into your thoughts.
My feet would ache. I may fall
apart, but that’s just what it
is I sought.
~~~~~~~~~~••~~~~~~~~~~
by Felicia Lujan
1.16.2013

The Great Medusa

“The first time I ever saw a box jellyfish, I was twelve.
Our father took us to the Monterey Bay Aquarium.
I never forgot what he said… That it was the most
deadly creature on earth. To me it was just the
most beautiful thing I had ever seen.”

~~~Ben Thomas in the movie “Seven Pounds”

My new theme is centered on one of my favorite creatures. The jellyfish may be the most mysterious and deadly creature known to man. I took these photos of jellyfish on a recent visit to the National Aquarium. The aquarium is located along the Inner Harbor of Baltimore, Maryland (USA).

If you have a chance, check out these two creative pieces I wrote which reference the jellyfish. One is titled Stinging Medusa (2012) and the other is titled Ocean of Whispers (2011).

¤ A Broken Bone ¤

~~The Wishbone~~

¤¤¤¤¤

A wish for just one bottled
flame capped with hope and
sorcery.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Though the glass will break,
I’ll try again. Just leave one
wish for me.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

A wish for moonlight and
the smell of rain so I could
lock the memory.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Though the clouds move in
and drops don’t fall, just
leave one wish for me.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

A wish for five more words
from you before you break
eternity.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Though the wishbone is
broken, I’ll ask again. Just
leave one wish for me.

¤¤¤¤¤

by Felicia Lujan
11.20.2012

A Look at the Symbols in Bless Me Ultima

On Sunday my sister and I took our mom to the movies. This week is her birthday and she has been wanting to see the new movie Bless Me Ultima. The movie is based on a book written by Rudolfo Anaya. The novel took the writer many years to finish, and he is said to have employed spirit guides and his subconscious mind to complete this work. It was published in 1972. The book has been used in classrooms for many years because it is well respected in the world of Chicano literature. I was also very anxious to see the film because I knew it featured a curandera and that it would be filled with love, magic, history, land, nature, herbs, and witches. What’s not to love? A curandera is a female folk healer who uses faith as a weapon. She also employs good magic using herbs, spirit guides, and the power of the natural world around her. The story is not that of Ultima’s. It is the story of a young boy named Antonio Márez y Luna, an outside spectator who is contemplative of many things.

Our Tickets to Bless Me Ultima on 10.28.2012

Photo I took of Ultima “La Grande”
and Antonio in the movie Bless Me Ultima

At first I was surprised to learn that the movie was two hours long. I must say that there was not one moment of the movie that didn’t capture me completely. We laughed and we cried as a New Mexico story graced the big screen in a way that I have never seen. I have one of the original runs of Anaya’s book. When I was a girl I remember reading the book in school, and in college we did chapter studies. I felt that the film flawlessly embodied and conveyed the heart of the original story. We all loved the film. I always feel so blessed to have people in my life who understand me. As we left the theater, I explained to my mom and my sister that I was taking notes on my phone. My mom said “I know,” and my sister said “I figured.” In some movies I have attempted to take in a notebook, but it is hard to see what you are writing in the dark and have found it much easier to jot down thoughts in draft form on my phone. One day I aspire to complete a full literary analysis of this novel, but for tonight I will deliver the symbols I derived from the film.

Photo I took of the funeral procession
of a Trementina witch sister
in the movie Bless Me Ultima

When we were leaving I told my mom that I saw so many symbols in this film. I adore my mature and intense mind. My mom was very curious about the symbols I saw, so I dedicate this to her. Maybe with any luck I will make her and my sister just as crazy as I am! If you have or haven’t seen the film, or even if you have only read the book, look deeper. In my mind, symbolism is about connection. A symbol is a connection~ usually from sight to an object or idea (with the mind)~ to a feeling (with the heart)~ and then ultimately to a person, place or thing. Following are the symbols I ascertained from Bless Me Ultima. This was not Ultima’s story, however, she embraced symbolism like no other character in Anaya’s novel does. The end of the movie brings the strongest and most poignant quote. When “La Grande” dies, Antonio laid her to rest and said “I did not cry~ her voice is everywhere.” The quote confirms a connection of all symbols in the book and film.

Symbols in the Movie

Ultima or “La Grande”~ was a symbol of love, sacrifice, life, death, land, faith, respect, acceptance, forgiveness, nature, power, protection, knowledge, tradition, and healing

Ultima’s Owl~ was a symbol of protection and sacrifice

The Moon~ was a symbol of mystery, land, time, magic, and knowledge

The River, Rain and Water~ were symbols of life, death, healing, abundance, and the seasons

The Land, Herbs, and Farming~ were symbols of home, family, tradition, knowledge, continuity, and healing

The War~ was a symbol of evil, change, vice, and sin

Death~ was a symbol of fear, evil, mortality, and immortality

Religion~ was a symbol of connection and disconnection

~Undone~

~Undone~
Original poem and digital composite
featuring a corset by Felicia Lujan.

~~~~

~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Liberate my painted~ moonlit soul

unlace an ocean and the deep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Release the bosom~ pull on strings

untie the knots while I’m asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loosen a strand of needless time

undo the need to have a key.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Open me up~ corsets breed the weak

unfasten these ties and let me see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alter the fit and change the mold

I will promise to deflect the sun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Free the wings secured by twine

for it is time to come undone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~

~~~~

by Felicia Lujan

October 14, 2012

Seducing Grey

~Rain on the Train~ photo I took on 8.2.12 on the train from New Mexico to California

»»»»»…..»»»»»…..»»»»»
A fluid love» seduce the grey»
may thunder roll and storm
clouds stay.
»»»»»…..»»»»»…..»»»»»
Saturate the air with lovely
chrome» take my sky and still
I’ll roam.
»»»»»…..»»»»»…..»»»»»
Liquid minds drip drop words
for eyes» they read like glass
and then capsize.
»»»»»…..»»»»»…..»»»»»
Titillate a rainy heart» shake
sturdy ground right from the
start.
»»»»»…..»»»»»…..»»»»»
Concede to storms» seduce
the grey» when clouds move
in don’t wish to stay.
»»»»»…..»»»»»…..»»»»»
Incriminate your visions true»
there is no need they are part
of you.
»»»»»…..»»»»»…..»»»»»
Water is warm and colorless»
read my mind with just one
guess.
»»»»»…..»»»»»…..»»»»»
Indoctrinate» my ideas grow»
each drop of life for you to
sow.
»»»»»…..»»»»»…..»»»»»
Small dots fall from heaven’s
door» when the sun peeks out
don’t ask for more.
»»»»»…..»»»»»…..»»»»»
Culminate» this is the end»
seduce the grey my weary
friend.
»»»»»…..»»»»»…..»»»»»

by Felicia Lujan
October 2, 2012

Bleed Out

~Bleed Out~
Digital composite by Felicia Lujan

~words hemorrhage from mind and soul~

~veins discharge a heavy silken ink~

~expel the pleasure to induce a dream~

~this pen a weapon used to teleport~

~release the heart of hearts by fingertips~

~paper leeching red drips like melting snow~

~increase blood flow to the messenger~

~heat lost when writer’s cramp sets in~

~regulate my soul unhindered voice~

~supply oxygen when tip and pages meet~

by Felicia Lujan

September 28, 2012

Who Needed the Last Rose?

Every year I cautiously watch the last rose of summer. She is always there waiting for me when I say goodbye to the day and head home. The rose is one of my symbols. Maybe she waits to be plucked or maybe she waits to fade away into the darkness of winter? Over the years I have come to love her. When l leave work I pass her by~~ offering her water~ leaving her a drink~ enjoying her beauty~ maybe even touching her. Yesterday when I left work I was sad to see that she was gone. The last rose of summer did not die a natural death. At first I was upset when I witnessed the green, bare stub. The glory of summer was gone~~ removed~ detached~ and absent. Once I was over my loss, I realized that someone obviously needed her more than I. Maybe someone needed to cup beauty? Maybe someone needed to tell someone else they were loved with the last rose as an offering? Maybe someone gave her to a sick mother? Maybe someone really needed her to come undone petal by petal~ to find out if someone else loved or loved them not? I do know that the last rose did not have her chance to embrace the cold. She will not see Old Man Winter this year. Maybe it is better that way? I don’t know what happened to the last rose? Whatever happened, I know she was plucked because she was needed~~ and I do think that is beautiful.

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