Questions

“Very few beings really seek
knowledge in this world. Mortal
or immortal, few really ask. On
the contrary, they try to wring
from the unknown the answers
they have already shaped in their
own minds — justifications,
confirmations, forms of
consolation without which
they can’t go on. To really ask
is to open the door to the
whirlwind. The answer may
annihilate the question and
the questioner.”

•Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat
(The Vampire Chronicles, #2)

Lady Death

Asleep is he, the mortal man,
bloodless with endless breath.
Buried in those steep demands
of the loveless Lady Death.

Cold to touch. Erasing pain.
Ever mortified by heat.
Endless aches for hardened souls
for death one cannot beat.

Wasting away, her tired bones,
inanimate and weak.
Gone for now like fireflies by
day, vanishing the unique.

Burning up. She’s Lady Death.
Consumed by deadly things.
Non-extant and turned to dust,
dark angel never got her wings.

Asleep is he, the mortal man,
loveless and out of breath.
Buried by simple demands
of the immortal Lady Death.

by Felicia Lujan
4.24.2015

Blessed by Pain

Hemingway loved books and his personal library contained over 7,000 books.

We all know about the infamous Ernest Hemingway. Many of us were introduced to the author in grade school, and others continued to learn from his work in college and as practicing writers. Who hasn’t heard of The Old Man and the Sea? We all have. I don’t think everyone understands the depth of Hemingway. His work was highly metaphorical, symbolic and riveted by pain.

I have an undying interest in the pain of Hemingway and how pain fueled his hunger for words (Read~ Pain: A Writer’s Inspiration; Analysis of and Symbols in Hemingway and Gellhorn; Whiskey Dreams: Inside the Mind of Hemingway; Wakeless Love, Tragedy and Words; The Hemingway Archivist: Connection and Disconnection.) This man was filled with pain, but his work was prosperous because of that. I feel that my best poetry comes from a pain filled place, so I can relate.

We all know Hemingway, but what do you know about his pain? From suicidal thoughts, to infections, to skin cancer, to diabetes, to accidents and operations, to concussions, to pneumonia, to broken bones, to alcoholism and mental breakdowns, and the complications of love, this man seemed to beacon suffering. He was suicidal since the 1920s and tragically ended his own life in 1961. I believe a broken, hardened heart contributed to his fate.

After taking a look at three books, I put together a chronology of tragedy reflected in Hemingway’s story. The books I pulled from are cited below. I would love a chance to read the correspondence between he and Martha…the woman (another writer) I think he had the best intellectual and sexual connection to. I’m sure an intimate look at his personal correspondence would be much more revealing (see the ‘archivist’ post I cited above).

Hemingway was a tragically inspiring man. You know? I am an archivist by profession. There is actually a “Hemingway Archivist” working the Hemingway Room who is responsible for the Hemingway Collection in Boston. This is a special collection available to researchers at the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. It would be a dream to work there. One day, I will go back to Boston and visit this unique place that is part of National Archives and Records Administration.

After reading through a few books, I was struck by two things I had never heard about Hemingway. Most know he was a hunter. He was also known to be a jerk who seemed to position himself rightly so. Why does a hunting jerk who is a real softy for house cats not make sense to me? I think killing wild animals made him feel in control when he was almost always out of control. I don’t believe he enjoyed killing after seeing him cuddling cats.

I also found it interesting that Hemingway was “erotically aroused by women’s hair.” Hummmm? Long or short? I had never heard that before!

We all have an idea about who Ernest Hemingway was and about who he has continued to be after his death. His legacy has been solidified. The writer is now immortal. Not many understand the depth of Hemingway. His love of words, metaphors and symbols became permeated by his pain. If you have a moment, take a look for yourself at a brief chronology of his personal pain (not his accomplishments).
…………..……….…………

CHRONOLOGY

Spring 1918~ He put his “fist through a glass showcase.”

July 8, 1918~ He was “concussed and wounded by trench mortar and a machine gun.”

January 1919~ Agnes von Kurowsky breaks his heart and inspires Farewell to Arms.

September 1921~ He marries first of four brides.

1927~ His first divorce.

March 1928~ He pulled a “skylight down on his skull.”

December 1928~ His father commits suicide.

November 1, 1930~ He was in a car accident near Billings, Montana. His right arm was “severely fractured.”

April 7, 1935~ He “accidentally shoots himself in the leg” while “gaffing shark.”

1936~ He started a love affair with Martha Gellhorn.

1937~ He “dropkicks foot through a mirror.”

1940~ He gets another divorce and quickly marries Martha (a journalist).

December 1945~ He gets his third divorce from Martha.

1946~ He marries his fourth wife and she has a miscarriage a few months later.

September 1949~ He was “clawed while playing with lion.”

June 1951~ His mother dies.

January 1954~ He suffered “severe burns fighting a fire.”

1961~ He committed suicide.
………………………..…

SOURCES

Running with the Bulls: My Years with the Hemingways by Valerie Hemingway

Hemingway the 1930s by Michael Reynolds

Hemingway: A Biography by Jeffrey Meyers

In Memory of Plitt

It is sad that one minute you can be on top and the next minute, you can be gone. Greg Plitt was at the top of his game, making an ad for his new protein shake when he was hit and killed by a train yesterday. He was born in Baltimore and lived in LA.

He had done so many things in the fitness world, but his most impressive credentials included being a retired United States Army Ranger. Plitt was a captain and company commander who was certified in airborne combat. He was also a fitness and weapons expert.

I thought this 2013 video was hauntingly telling of his sad fate. In the beginning Plitt speaks about death and being remembered. The footage is also filled with trains. 💪RIP Plitt~ I’m sure you gifted many with the hope and drive it takes to foster and sustain positive change. A large part of your contributions to the world of fitness will be immortal.

The Undertaker

It is a rite of the
King of Hearts
to be buried with
his crown.
Laid to rest with
one slick kiss…
undertaker taking
him right down.
Embalmed with
pent-up ecstasy
to preserve a
toxic high.
His burial, beneath
her skin will leave
him reaching for
the sky.
………
by Felicia Lujan
11.12.2014

Flying

October 25, 2014, 2:37pm
Headed to San Diego, CA from Albuquerque, NM (midflight)

There are some things which can be simultaneously exhilarating yet terrifying to the core. You know? The things which make you feel alive and maybe scared to die all at once? One of those things involves being trapped above the clouds in a strange cylindrical object until you reach your final destination. I wouldn’t say that I hate flying. It gets you from point A to point B much faster than driving. I could kiss each and every early pioneer in this industry. When you fly, you can watch and listen to people. It is an interestingly strange thing to do. Trusting metallic wings also makes you more aware of this great big world and flying can make you cower with the realization that we are really just vulnerable beings in the grand scheme of things.

Looking out the small windows of a 737 heading west, Albuquerque slowly shrank and then disappeared into the sunny distance. A cute little boy, maybe three years old, cheerfully said “goodbye Albuquerque.” I couldn’t help but wonder if this would be the last time I saw my home state from the clouds. I have faith. I know that the power of the heavens is always present, yet this thought still crossed my mind. Doesn’t everyone get nervous to fly? Maybe it simply means that we value life? I suppose that flying comes second nature to frequent flyers…business men and women and world travelers, but I don’t claim to be any of those things. I am just a small town woman who loves to learn. I’m making my way across the clouds toward the ocean to gain knowledge and smell salty air.

There are indeed some things which make us feel alive. Our feelings, whether they evoke goodness or darkness, confirm that we are thirsty mortals. Joy and pain, fear and fearlessness…they act as catalysts within us. I’m not scared to fly. I’m scared to die because I value my life. Before I left on this trip, my sister wanted to meet me. She is an auditor and years ago I had given her a small prayer on paper to take on a business trip. You know? To help keep her safe. She returned the prayer to me on Thursday along with a “Frozen” magnet. The magnet read… “sisters forever.” With the heavens on my side, I’ll most likely make it back just fine. If I don’t, I know that “forever” is engrained in the minds of those who matter to me and those who I matter to. I find comfort in that.

Immortal Kiss

Swept away.
A sparkle of
darkness.
Pheromones
slickened by
salty skin.
Fangs drawn.
Heat seeking
magnets set to
pierce heavenly
iron. Eyes shut.
Blinded by the
anticipation of
her immortal kiss.

by Felicia Lujan
9.30.2014

Ghosted

Here is my newest digital
composite. There are eleven
layers in this piece that I have
titled “Ghosted.” Click on the
composite to see more detail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Be Remembered

When I die I want people to remember me. I don’t want any hoopla or expensive memorials. All I ask for are memories. I want to leave this Earth having made a real, genuine difference. I often ask myself… “how do you want to be remembered?” Maybe it’s my profession which drives me to care? Part of my career entails cherishing, loving and respecting the past and those who came before me. Maybe I am just prone to care? Maybe I have always cared…even when I was a little girl? So how do I want people to remember me?

~"Weight of My Heart" a digital composite by Felicia Lujan~

I want to be remembered first and foremost, as a woman with heart. As a person who tries to lift and help people she cares about~ personally or professionally, if they are good people. Maybe as a provider of wings and bright sparks from within my soul to those who deserve them? I want people to remember I was a good mother, but still devoted to my career and loyal to my agency mission. I want to make a real difference in my areas of expertise as well as the professional organizations and groups I choose to affiliate myself with. I want people to remember when I treated them good. I want people to remember my strength and dedication to the gym and to the things or people I care about.

~Felicia and Dee on 9.17.2014~

I know I am on the right path. In my personal life, I know who’s lives I have made a difference in because they tell me. People who really care about me and value me. They never do things to hurt me. I can count on them to be there for me. I have done things that I hope people will remember and appreciate. This morning I was busy. I met with several people on a personal and professional level. During one of such encounters, I met an old boss for lunch. She is an amazing woman who called me out of the blue at work after close to 20 years. It felt good to know that she remembered me after all that time. I was a work-study student in the Social Sciences Department back then. Today I remembered how that department valued me, but Dee valued me in deeper, meaningful ways.

In my professional life I want to be remembered as a woman who was devoted to her career and areas of expertise. I want to be remembered as a woman who pushed her limits with heart…exhibited real dedication…cared about getting things done…worked hard…and valued the knowledge of other professionals. I give my blood, sweat and tears to my agency and I want to. I truly value our mission. If I didn’t care about what I do, I would have left a long time ago for more money. Money doesn’t matter much to me. It is good to have, but in the end, will people remember me for that?

~Snapshot of a section of the Wordharvest newsletter sent out on 9.17.2014~

This morning, the Wordhavest newsletter came through to my inbox. This is one area of expertise where I am progressively making a difference. The newsletter mentioned me for the first time in three years, which made me feel good. After starting from literally a nothing and nobody with the Tony Hillerman Writers Conference, I have worked my way up. Last year I managed the book store, but this year, I am playing an active roll in my areas of expertise. I designed all the promotional material. I am designing advertisements and I am designing the program for the first time. I will also be the official conference photographer this year (also a first), which will be awesome!

~Educational webinar shown at the ARMA meeting on 9.17.2014~

In my very busy morning, I attended the ARMA meeting of my local chapter. I plan to help Cliff breathe new life into that chapter. Another new member and I will be submitting an application to host a legislative exhibit for the chapter in January 2015 (a first for this chapter). She works for CYFD and genuinely cares like I do. She and I agreed that we would bring our professional A game to that exhibit, dressing profesh ta death with intellectual smiles and heels. I plan on recruiting at least a few good catches that day. I will design an exhibit and I was approved for the release of funds for professional printing through EXHIB-IT. This is a new venue for me to make a difference. On the way home, I rethought the Director of Outreach position in my local chapter. I emailed Cliff after work and decided to fill that spot. All of this on my own time of course. I even took annual leave to attend the meeting.

~"Heart of Bolts" a digital composite by Felicia Lujan~

I know I am on the right path. I know who will cherish my memory and what I do and have done personally and professionally. I can’t make everyone care to remember me. Those who really know me…those who truly value me…they will be the ones. When I die I want people to remember me. I don’t want any hoopla or expensive memorials. All I ask for are memories of heart, devotion, dedication and strength. They can forget my weakness.

An Interest in the Undead: An Interview with Author Ray John de Aragón

Ray John de Aragón has been called “one of New Mexico’s prolific Hispanic authors” and a “master of both the English and Spanish languages making him one of the top bi-lingual authors producing today.” The Hispanic American author who was born in Las Vegas, New Mexico has a rare mix of artistic gifts. Not only is he a writer, but he is an “internationally recognized santero” and artist. This man with an intricately carved professional career also shares creative energy with his community as the District Arts Coordinator for the Los Lunas Schools. Aragón is an educated man who majored in American Studies and actively participates in scholarly and artistic events.

“I always knew I wanted to be a writer. I often thought about the idea that written words possess a great power. Words can make people think. They can make them laugh, and even make them cry. Written words have changed the course of history and have directed civilizations.”
~~~Ray John de Aragón

~Ray John de Aragón and Doña Sebastiana~

Aragón’s award-winning/bestselling book Padre Martinez and Bishop Lamy (2006) has been regularly reviewed for several years. The onset of reviews is said to have spurred the Hispanic writer into the national and even international spotlight. He has been featured on streaming media and has made several guest appearances on radio and television over the years. This includes being featured on ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, Telemundo and Univision. The same bestselling book is also used by students in courses at Harvard University, the University of California, Berkeley, the University of Notre Dame, Stanford University and the University of New Mexico.

I am always very honored when Ray John de Aragón asks me to write about him. It is great to be respected by such an accomplished writer who is known internationally by scholars, authors and artists alike. I had the pleasure of meeting Aragón in 2011. I met him not as an archivist, but as a writer. We met a little over three years ago at the National Hispanic Cultural Center during the 9th Annual National Latino Writers Conference. For that conference, Aragón was a presenter in addition to being a distinguished guest of honor. Visit these links to read more about when I met Aragón at that conference or to read about what I have already written about Aragón.

Since I have known this author, he has published four books. This is the third that I will write about. Between the late 1970s and 2014, Aragón has written a total of 10 books. In retroflex this includes: New Mexico Book of the Undead: Goblin & Ghoul Folklore (2014); Lincoln: Images of America (2013); Enchanted Legends and Lore of New Mexico: Witches, Ghosts & Spirits (2012); Hidden History of Spanish New Mexico (2012); The Legend of La Llorona (2006); Padre Martinez and Bishop Lamy (2006); The Penitentes of New Mexico (2006); Hermanos De LA Luz: Brothers of the Light (1998); Hermanos De La Luz: Living Tradition Of the Penitente Faith (1997); and City of Candy and Streets of Ice Cream (1979).

“The story I will always remember, of course, is the one of La Llorona. I grew up with it. I was told where she had lived, and where she had died. She is an alma que anda penando, a soul in search of peace. I can honestly say that I heard her one night. Her piercing cry was like the cry of a demented woman. One would have to hear it to believe it.”
~~~Ray John de Aragón

Aragón is married to Rosa Maria Calles. He and his wife are fixtures of Valencia County and are very well known in Los Lunas. Calles is originally from Tome, New Mexico and they have four children. Aragón found his creative and intelligent match in Rosa Maria Calles, who is “a renowned artist, playwright, director, and producer.” The couple is actively involved with the Los Lunas Museum of Heritage and Arts and in 2007, Aragón was recognized by the Valencia County News-Bulletin for winning “statewide attention for art programs” as the District Arts Coordinator of Los Lunas Schools. In late 2008, the Los Lunas museum featured Aragón’s work in the exhibit “Saints and Sacred Places.” His work was again featured in 2010 for the “Nuestras Raices: Our Roots” exhibit.

~Ray John de Aragón and wife Rosa Maria Calles~

It is likely that Aragón’s “professional learning and growth” again sprouted in 2012 after a short hiatus from publishing books. After becoming a Santa Fe Leadership Center fellow and being acknowledged for The Art and Experience of Leadership, the author came back full force and has published 4 books since then. His latest book is New Mexico Book of the Undead: Goblin & Ghoul Folklore, which was just released with an awesome book jacket. Like me, it seems that Aragón tends to prefer the darker side of history. Our state is filled with black stories and complex mysteries. Like most New Mexicans, Aragón is intrigued by the tales of ghosts, witches and hauntings passed on to us by our grandparents. In this book, Ray John de Aragón “recounts stories from the state’s rich and spine-chilling cultural folklore.”

“Folklore is a part of who we are. It is an integral part of our being. This was true thousands of years ago and it is true today. Even in this technological age, most everyone is still intrigued by stories of witches, phantasms, vampires, and the unexplained.”
~~~Ray John de Aragón

The author says that his newest book is filled with “New Mexico Hispanic folklore” which is “full of terrifying creatures that traverse the dark shadows of the night.” Aragón says “these otherworldly beings appear when one least expects it. They are there, waiting in the darkness to strike in places we should not be at, or at times of the night that we should not be out.” His book “captures these forbidding spirits and tells their stories” that were passed down from generation to generation. One story which will be recounted is that of “Bloody Mary.” It will be her first appearance in a book published about New Mexico folklore. He says that some of the stories “are as old as the Spanish colonization of New Mexico,” and span our 400 year history here.

If you want to meet an author who believes in ghosts and says “seeing is believing,” you can pick up his newest book just in time for Halloween!! Aragon currently has three book signings scheduled for October. The first is on October 11, 2014 at 2:00pm at the National Hispanic Cultural Center in Salón Ortega. The second will be on October 18, 2014 at 2:00pm at the Los Lunas Museum of Heritage and Arts. The third will be on October 30, 2014 at 7:00pm at Bookworks in Albuquerque. You can also order New Mexico Book of the Undead: Goblin & Ghoul Folklore online by visiting the History Press web site.

Never Letting Go

~Gwen & Peter~

I just finished watching The Amazing Spider-Man 2. It was really good! I never got to see it in the theater and in my opinion, it is the best one. I was intrigued by the continuous connection and disconnection of Peter (Spider-Man) and Gwen and how they never let go of their need to connect. The best quote foreshadows Gwen’s death, but the very same words also give Peter (Spider-Man) the light of hope…her light.

“It’s easy to feel hopeful on a beautiful day like today, but there will be dark days ahead of us too. There will be days where you feel all alone, and that’s when hope is needed most. No matter how buried it gets, or how lost you feel, you must promise me that you will hold on to hope. Keep it alive. We have to be greater than what we suffer. My wish for you is to become hope; people need that. And even if we fail, what better way is there to live? As we look around here today, at all of the people who helped make us who we are, I know it feels like we’re saying goodbye, but we will carry a piece of each other into everything that we do next, to remind us of who we are, and of who we’re meant to be.”
~~Gwen the Valedictorian

Interviewing an Author with an Interest in the Undead

~A distorted hint of Ray John de Aragón's newest book jacket~

I am always very honored when Ray John de Aragón asks me to write about him. It is awesome that he acknowledges my writing skills and gives me respect. He is an accomplished man who is very well respected by scholars, authors and artists alike. I met him years ago at the Latino Writers Conference in Albuquerque, New Mexico (see Alchemist: Connecting Signs and Symbols) You can see some of his other books I wrote about here. I am currently in the interview process with him to cover his newest creation!

His new book is titled New Mexico Book of the Undead: Goblin & Ghoul Folklore. I’m sure you know why the historian/author/santero/visionary/and District Art Specialist for the Los Lunas school system asked me right? If not…you don’t know me very well. He sent me a digital image of the book jacket and it’s awesome! Can’t wait to cover this. I’m giving you just a hint of the jacket. If you want to learn more and see the full jacket, be sure to come back for a visit to read my story about his take on the darker side of history.

Lyrical Lure

~~~~~
Metamorphoses…hear the
siren’s song. Her haunted
lyrics reek of death.
Wings search for an
abducted soul. She infuses
darkness with her breath.
Curse of love. A melody
so sweet that the saccharin
hurts your teeth.
Muse of a world lost
in dreams and what
festers underneath.
Irresistible…call from
the depths. Siren lulling
him to keep.
Listen to her soothing
song if you fear not
becoming weak.
~~~~~~~~~~
by Felicia Lujan
7.13.2014

The Fitness Graveyard

“Each kissed their last rep
goodbye before being laid
to rest in the graveyard of
no use and then gave thanks
for every muscle and drop of
sweat which graced
faux skin.”
~~~F

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈
Broken machines outside
of Mandrills Gym in Santa
Fe, New Mexico.
≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

In Memory of Marcos

Today we laid my cousin Marcos to rest. I spent the night combing through memories of our childhood. These were the times when we had no worries and simply lived to play. There are so many memories. His brothers, sister and Andrea put together a very touching slideshow and music CD for him.

I wanted to add some of my memories to his collective memory. It was an emotional day. While I searched through pictures tonight, I realized the power of innocence. We were just little children. He was only a year younger than I. May he rest in peace now.