Today we laid my cousin Marcos to rest. I spent the night combing through memories of our childhood. These were the times when we had no worries and simply lived to play. There are so many memories. His brothers, sister and Andrea put together a very touching slideshow and music CD for him.
I wanted to add some of my memories to his collective memory. It was an emotional day. While I searched through pictures tonight, I realized the power of innocence. We were just little children. He was only a year younger than I. May he rest in peace now.
Anaïs Nin (one of *the most* awesome female writers ever) once said “if you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.” I write to stay alive. ~★~
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX • Maybe I am dead? Lost in words to be heard in twisted tongues. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX • Maybe I’m a hollow soul? One of many hearts held to secure a ransom for the living dead. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX • Maybe I am lifeless? Yet to fly uncaged with wings of hallowed flesh and blood. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX • Maybe I am cold? Frozen by those storms meant to drain color from my lips. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX • Maybe I’ve been fading? Slowly erased by seductive poetry of the broken. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX • Maybe I have fallen? Knees bearing scars of rainbows and poison’s edge. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX • Maybe I am dead? Lost in words born of blackened hearts…never to be found. XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX • xxxx xxx xx x
Today I lost one of my closest friends. She was a very old girl but still had fur which was soft as a kitten. Her eyes were big and blue. They could melt my heart on the coldest days. The Girl was part of my life for almost 18 years. She was much older than my only child. Late last night I realized she would be gone by the morning. I decided to hold her close and tell her how much I appreciated my years with her. She was the best cat I have ever had.
I laid her to rest amongst the singing birds as snowflakes turned my tears to ice. I will really miss my friend. Irving Townsend once said “another cat? Perhaps. For love there is also a season; its seeds must be resown. But a family cat is not replaceable like a worn out coat or a set of tires. Each new kitten becomes its own cat, and none is repeated. I am four cats old, measuring out my life in friends that have succeeded but not replaced one another.”
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What we have done
for ourselves alone dies
with us; what we have
done for others and
the world remains
and is immortal.
~•Albert Pike
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Tonight I attended the services of a well respected member of my home town. Ben Lujan, Sr. was a Democratic member of the New Mexico House of Representatives. He represented his district for decades, and was the current Speaker of the House. To many he was even more than that. He was a father, a brother, a husband, a cousin, and a friend.
I wanted to pay my respects for several reasons. The main reason was for his son~ Ben Ray (or respectfully Congressman Lujan). Not long ago a very good friend of mine passed away in a tragic accident. Ben Ray and my friend Kim were very close when we were young. When she passed away, he made time to attend her services. That act alone~ amongst all of his accomplishments impressed me most. He is worth my respect and so is his family.
One of the most beautiful things I saw tonight was an American flag. The local fire department was flying the flag in Speaker Lujan’s honor. The flag flapped against the cold and dark with a single spotlight on it. It would have been wonderful to see our state flag waving in the wind as well. It was a very touching sight.
When I walked into the Ben Lujan Gymnasium, tonight, the musicians were singing El Shaddai. That was one of Kim’s favorite songs. It seemed so appropriate. Two large photo collages and a video with historic and family photos made me cry. My heart was breaking for another Lujan family as the entire valley gathered to remember a great man. Marcus Cicero once said that “the life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.” This is so true. He will forever be remembered.
I’m not sure why I ponder my own legacy when I am faced with the passing of those I know? Maybe it is because I am an archivist plagued by the clutches of history and genealogy? Maybe it is because I am highly analytical and contemplative? I do believe that our legacy truly lives on through our family ties.
After seeing all of the touching photos of Ben Sr. it became very clear to me. He was the well respected Speaker of the House, but that defined only a portion of his life. As Mitch Albom once said “death ends a life, not a relationship.” In the end~ it is our family which defines the larger part of who we really are or who we are yet to become.
In the end~ our legacy never stops. The torch is merely carried on by those who we have loved and touched in special ways. A legacy is indeed an immortal flame.
It is so cold tonight. It was a very cold day. I feel such deep sadness for the loss of 20 innocent children in Connecticut today. Their time here on Earth is forever lost~ their hopes and dreams now crushed and gone~ all selfishly ripped away by the worst kind of monster.
I know that a better woman than I would not believe in an eye for an eye, but I am not that better woman. I do hope that the coward who took his own hopeless life suffers for eternity in the most fiery depths of hell. May he hear the endless sweet whispers of the children he robbed of a future.
My soul aches for the parents left here to carry tiny coffins and pray the Rosary. I can’t even fathom the pain. My only son is 7 years old. I just can’t even imagine. Tonight I will hug him tighter than I ever have~ and pray that somehow we can all endure the cold.
On Sunday my sister and I took our mom to the movies. This week is her birthday and she has been wanting to see the new movie Bless Me Ultima. The movie is based on a book written by Rudolfo Anaya. The noveltook the writer many years to finish, and he is said to have employed spirit guides and his subconscious mind to complete this work. It was published in 1972. The book has been used in classrooms for many years because it is well respected in the world of Chicano literature. I was also very anxious to see the film because I knew it featured a curandera and that it would be filled with love, magic, history, land, nature, herbs, and witches. What’s not to love? A curandera is a female folk healer who uses faith as a weapon. She also employs good magic using herbs, spirit guides, and the power of the natural world around her. The story is not that of Ultima’s. It is the story of a young boy named Antonio Márez y Luna, an outside spectator who is contemplative of many things.
Our Tickets to Bless Me Ultimaon 10.28.2012
Photo I took of Ultima “La Grande” and Antonio in the movie Bless Me Ultima
At first I was surprised to learn that the movie was two hours long. I must say that there was not one moment of the movie that didn’t capture me completely. We laughed and we cried as a New Mexico story graced the big screen in a way that I have never seen. I have one of the original runs of Anaya’s book. When I was a girl I remember reading the book in school, and in college we did chapter studies. I felt that the film flawlessly embodied and conveyed the heart of the original story. We all loved the film. I always feel so blessed to have people in my life who understand me. As we left the theater, I explained to my mom and my sister that I was taking notes on my phone. My mom said “I know,” and my sister said “I figured.” In some movies I have attempted to take in a notebook, but it is hard to see what you are writing in the dark and have found it much easier to jot down thoughts in draft form on my phone. One day I aspire to complete a full literary analysis of this novel, but for tonight I will deliver the symbols I derived from the film.
Photo I took of the funeral procession of a Trementina witch sister in the movie Bless Me Ultima
When we were leaving I told my mom that I saw so many symbols in this film. I adore my mature and intense mind. My mom was very curious about the symbols I saw, so I dedicate this to her. Maybe with any luck I will make her and my sister just as crazy as I am! If you have or haven’t seen the film, or even if you have only read the book, look deeper. In my mind, symbolism is about connection. A symbol is a connection~ usually from sight to an object or idea (with the mind)~ to a feeling (with the heart)~ and then ultimately to a person, place or thing. Following are the symbols I ascertained from Bless Me Ultima. This was not Ultima’s story, however, she embraced symbolism like no other character in Anaya’s novel does. The end of the movie brings the strongest and most poignant quote. When “La Grande” dies, Antonio laid her to rest and said “I did not cry~ her voice is everywhere.” The quote confirms a connection of all symbols in the book and film.
Symbols in the Movie
Ultima or “La Grande”~ was a symbol of love, sacrifice, life, death, land, faith, respect, acceptance, forgiveness, nature, power, protection, knowledge, tradition, and healing
Ultima’s Owl~ was a symbol of protection and sacrifice
The Moon~ was a symbol of mystery, land, time, magic, and knowledge
The River, Rain and Water~ were symbols of life, death, healing, abundance, and the seasons
The Land, Herbs, and Farming~ were symbols of home, family, tradition, knowledge, continuity, and healing
The War~ was a symbol of evil, change, vice, and sin
Death~ was a symbol of fear, evil, mortality, and immortality
Religion~ was a symbol of connection and disconnection
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“I learned never to empty the well of my writing,
but always to stop when there was still something
there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill
at night from the springs that fed it.”
~~~~ Ernest Hemingway ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recently scored some new ~ old books. One thing I love to do is track down books that you just can’t find anymore. Because of the nature of my profession, these books technically are not old at all, still they are what I could easily call older. I mean you can still get a fresh copy of Ernest Hemingway’s Old Man and the Seafor a contemporary English Lit class, but not one like this. When I found two treasures, I couldn’t help but notice the paperbacks were going for $1.65 back then?? Wow! Imagine that~ I would have no room to walk in my house if I could still pick up a book for a couple of bucks. How could I resist picking up the short story A Way You’ll Never Be? Or what about The Snows of Kilimanjaro with the last line of the story reading “but she did not hear him for the beating of her heart.” It is sad to see that this man~ so full of wakeless love was so very sad. He frequently mentioned suicide when writing and must have been contemplating taking his life since at least 1926~ tragically bringing his life to an end in 1961. I felt stricken with emotion tonight when I learned that two of his siblings as well as his father also committed suicide. Pleasure and pain go hand in hand for any writer, but these life changing events somehow explain his strange sadness. He was a deep man with a talent for pinning emotion laden words to paper. These books are a great addition to my personal library.
Today is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. I believe she would have been 96 today. My grandma Corine absolutely loved to celebrate her birthday. One of the cutest photos I have of her is with a little helium balloon floating over her while she sported a tiny birthday hat and a big smile. Her birthday and mine fall in the same month as the Fiestas de Santa Fe~ “a New Mexico tradition since 1712.” I wish my grandma would have been around this year to see the Fiestas de Santa Fe mark a 300 year anniversary. She surely would have been celebrating by wearing her silver squash blossom necklace and her favorite “butterfly design” concha belt. Not long ago, one of my mom’s younger sisters passed on my grandma’s belt. The belt has become one of the precious treasures in our family collection which I will preserve and care for until I myself die.
I am sure that my grandma’s concha belt must be at least 30-40 years old. Since she loved to have her picture taken, I was sure I would be able to find a few of her wearing it. The earliest image I was able to find was one taken of her in her front yard in July of 1984. She was obviously already in fiesta mode with her cowgirl hat cocked to the side, some shades, her cowgirl boots, and a denim outfit with her concha belt as the center piece. A couple of weeks ago, I decide to wear the belt. I was surprised to see just how many compliments I got that day. My friend Gail was the first to say she liked the belt~ and I quickly said it was my grandma’s. She told me the belt was likely worth at least $1,000 because of the price of silver. Actually I think it is worth much more than that because one can put no price on intrinsic value. Others complimented me on the belt and said that “the conchas were a unique shape” and that the belt “was very eye catching.” It made me feel proud to think that my grandma had such good taste and style. She was a fashionable woman~ and she always took care of herself right up until her last days by painting her nails and wearing her best jewelry.
Grandma Corine and Felicia
For those of you who don’t know what a concha belt is, here is a very brief history. The first news articles I was able to locate were printed by the Albuquerque Tribune in the late 1950s and early 1960s. At one point, the Duke of Albuquerque helped “the duchess adjust a Navajo concha belt that was presented to the titled visitor by the Fred Harvey Co.” In 1959 the Las Vegas Optic printed an article titled “1959 Fiesta Show Opens In Santa Fe” on the same page where fashion show model “Mrs. R.D. Jameson” was featured. Apparently Mrs. Jameson was “always well groomed” and sported “tailored fashions.” The article said “informally at home or attending to her many duties in town,” Mrs. Jameson was “a familiar sight in her pleated squaw skirt cinched with a concha belt and topped with an always immaculate white blouse held at the neck with a silver conch.” By this time it was apparent to me that the concha belt was culture blind~ it was and may still be in style.
~~Corine Garcia in July of 1984~~ My maternal grandmother strikes a pose “Santa Fe Style” fiesta mode with her cowgirl hat cocked to the side, some shades, her cowgirl boots, and a denim outfit with her concha belt as the center piece.
The only historical article I was able to locate on the concha belt was printed in the 1959 Tribal Fair Edition of the Gallup Daily Independent. This article titled “Navajos Began Concha Belt,” said that these belts have been part of “the southwest for many years and have been also been adopted by non-Indians as part of the casual western style of dress.” The belts “contain a series of mounted stones, usually, turquoise.” and the word concha derives “from the Spanish word meaning shell because of the use of silver medallions, lightly raised in design that are used in rows and fastened to the belt proper, with other-strips of leather.” This article says that the belts date back to around 1860, but I would need to research more primary source documents before I could really confirm any of this.
There were also articles through the 70s and 80s, and by 1990 the New York Times News Service had picked up on the fashion trends of the Southwest. New Yorkers were buying up broomstick skirts and gathered three-tiered skirts with hand-stitched designs. One of these skirts was actually named “The Fiesta.” Wow~ when it came to the concha belt, New Mexico was ahead of the fashion capitals of the United States. If my grandma was alive, I would have loved to tell her that she played an early part in a fashion movement that is still around today. There may have been no better gift to give her for her birthday than that news!?
Stone Altar and Candle Santa Gertrudis Church Mora, New Mexico ~~Photograph by Felicia Lujan (2012)~~
Wooden Entrance Sign Santa Gertrudis Church Mora, New Mexico ~~Photograph by Felicia Lujan (2012)~~
Exterior of Santa Gertrudis Church Mora, New Mexico ~~Photograph by Felicia Lujan (2012)~~
Santa Gertrudis Church Mora, New Mexico ~~Photograph by Felicia Lujan (2012)~~
Since so many of my Valdez family members have recently discovered my site, it is only right that I highlight some history of the Mora Valley tonight. There are some that are far away and my not have a chance to visit the area often. I decided to share some photos I took during a recent funeral of one of the Valdez men- Gary. May he rest in peace. When his funeral ended I took some time to walk around by myself and really absorb the history of this scared place. This is the church where my maternal great grandmother and great grandfather married. Historically, the plaza which envelopes the church was once known as Santa Gertrudis Lo de Mora, which is the present day town of Mora. Church registers can be found in the 1845 Mexican Census and offer a rare glimpse into early settlers of the valley.
1981 painting of Santa Gertrudis Church in 1890s Artist- Fred Olivas Mora, New Mexico
This church is the last remnant of the original plaza. The church was destroyed by fire in the mid 1960s, but was rebuilt a stones throw from main street in the same exact location. I will have to ask my mom and Ernie if they remember that? There are still several historic buildings on the property. This area is on the National Register of Historic Places and includes parish buildings, a small convent, educational sites, and some houses. It is amazing to think about how the population changed in Mora over the decades. I am not sure what the total population is today, however in 1860 there were over 5,500 people living in the area. By 1920, the population was just under 14,000 and by 1970 it had dwindled down to about 4,600. The 1860 census documents several carpenters in the Mora Valley who were French-Canadian. I have linked the maternal side of my family (through a prenuptial investigation) to French-Canadian ancestry.
Stained Glass Window Santa Gertrudis Church Mora, New Mexico ~~Photograph by Felicia Lujan (2012)~~
In 1950, the famed historian, Fray Angelico Chavez said that some buildings in Mora exhibited “French rural flavor” with regard to architecture. Some of these “French” designs included Gothic Revival exteriors with the use of stone and pitched roofs, such as the “board-and-wood-shingle pitched roof” which was once on the church. I find it interesting to think that some of my relatives may have contributed to the architectural history of this small and beautiful Catholic church. My maternal grandmother was Corina Valdez y Brisal de Garcia. My grandma Corine was a Mora girl at heart, but she passed away in Santa Fe, New Mexico. She was the oldest of five children born to Alfonso Valdez and Felicitas Brisal. I am named after my great grandma Felicitas. I do know that my great grandparents were married in Santa Gertrudis Church on November 27, 1915. They would have married in the original church building before it was destroyed by fire. I do wish I knew what the inside looked like then? If my grandma was still alive, I could ask her.
Baptismal Pool Santa Gertrudis Church Mora, New Mexico ~~Photograph by Felicia Lujan (2012)~~
My grandma was born to her mother and father on September 24, 1916. She was baptized on October 2 that same year. Her godmother and godfather were her grandparents (my maternal great great grandparents) Roman Valdez and Porfiria Maes. There were four other children to follow my grandma. These children were: Maximinio Valdez (born in 1918); Jose Eugenio Valdez (born in 1920); Maria Lara de Jesus Valdez (born in 1922); and the final child was Crecencia (Cres/Chencha) Valdez (born in 1926). I am sure each and every one of these family members were baptized in this church, which made my visit to the church that much more special. I can’t explain the feeling of awe I get to travel the path of those who came before me. Visiting that church that day also reminded me how important it is for us to remember. It is important to remember those who were blessed in a sacred place and those who were laid to rest in a scared place. It is our duty to keep the historic flame alive.
Virgin Mary Santa Gertrudis Church Mora, New Mexico ~~Photograph by Felicia Lujan (2012)~~
Stained Glass Window Santa Gertrudis Church Mora, New Mexico ~~Photograph by Felicia Lujan (2012)~~
Angel Santa Gertrudis Church Mora, New Mexico ~~Photograph by Felicia Lujan (2012)~~
Last week my brother and his son went to go see Zozobra burn to the ground. For over 85 years, this creepy and super-sized marionette has been put to death as part of the Fiestas de Santa Fe. His burning is symbolic, still the burning of Old Man Gloom may be the strangest thing you have ever heard of if you are not from Santa Fe, New Mexico. I would even venture to say that maybe some New Mexicans may be a little frightened by the thought of the huge paper man Santa Fe torches each year. What are we thinking? To understand this tradition one has to look deeper. Zozobra or Old Man Gloom has come to be a symbol of our collective worries, heartaches, troubles, and hardships. The community burns him away along with any negativity they wish to shed for that particular year. I have seen him burn several times throughout my life and I must admit, it can be a bit scary. The goal of the event is to walk away better then you were before, spiritually and emotionally. So even if you do not attend the physical burning of the puppet, you are still able to symbolically clear your problems once the gloom is gone.
Article about Zozobra_Santa Fe New Mexican_9.4.1926
Over the years people have asked to stuff Old Man Gloom with all kinds of physical things. These are always things that they feel connected to, but need to disconnect from physically and emotionally. I have heard of court records, old letters, photographs, trinkets, and even a wedding dress being used as filling. These all being symbols of worries and/or containing negative energies. I have seen Zozobra being made and it is something. I think the year I went to watch him being constructed, his eyes were made using record albums which were painted with bright green glow in the dark paint. Before he goes up in flames, a fire dancer dressed in a red suit and ghosts or spirits appear at his feet. They dance around and terrorize the puppet with torches. I was a ghost when I was young, and I believe that was with my old friend Becky? The marionette never goes quietly. He moans, groans, and howls until the very end. Finally he is consumed by flames and the calls of a chanting crowd. The crowd yells “burn ‘im, burn ‘im,” and then they cheer wildly once he is set aflame and fireworks grace the night sky.
My nephew Isaiah (in the black shirt) and his buddies at Zozobra 2012 in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Old Man Gloom is making his guest appearance in the back. ~~Photo by Thomas Lujan (my brother)
This tradition is credited to an artist by the name of Will Shuster (1893-1969). New Mexico has forever been home to the artistically mad. The artist invented the puppet in the 1920s, and according the the State Historian “his inspiration for Zozobra came from the Holy Week celebrations of the Yaqui Indians of Mexico; an effigy of Judas, filled with firecrackers, was led around the village on a donkey and later burned.” The word Zozobra derives from the Spanish word for gloominess. In 2007, the local newspaper published an online documentary about Zozobra. Ray Valdez was interviewed by the Santa Fe New Mexican and according to Valdez, the huge puppet is created by at least “700 volunteers,” uses “over $50,000 in resources,” and the event takes “an entire year to plan.” Zozobra is constructed using a wood and chicken wire frame and then he is covered in paper and paint. Since he is strapped with fireworks and is made of flammable material, he is quickly exhausted by flames and smoke (well almost always).
Article about Zozobra_Farmington Daily Times_8.30.1950
You can see some of the action here for yourself. I have included three YouTube videos of Zozobra. The first is footage from 1991. That is the earliest footage I came across on the tube tonight. I do know we have some older footage in the archives. There is one video of the burning of Old Man Gloom last year (2011), and also part one of a documentary. Next year, if you have troubles to squander, be sure to come to Santa Fe and “burn ‘im.” Honestly, I really can’t picture Santa Fe without the old man. We all have a little gloom to burn.
Today the amazing Perianne posted more lovely words on her site titled Astrology Mon Ami. Perianne wrote a piece titled Pisces Full Moon: Continuous Incarnation, which was tagged with Chiron in Pisces, Pisces Full Moon, Uranus square Pluto, and Virgo Sun. I loved this piece about tonight’s rare Blue Moon, and I connected with it. Her piece was posted extremely close to my birthday (Virgo Sun). When I get home from work, I watch CBS Evening News. I did not realize that the first man on the moon, astronaut Neil Armstrong was memorialized nationwide today? Maybe tonight’s rare Blue Moon is coincidentally linked to his memory, and then again maybe not? It will not happen again until 2015. This evening I tracked down the article on the CBS Evening News web site where I found more on the public tribute in Ohio for the first man on the moon. Those is attendance were asked to “wink at the moon” in honor of his memory. Of course you know I did just that. I shot a little over 20 seconds of video to document the Blue Moon over Santa Fe, New Mexico. On this peaceful evening I gazed up into the night sky through clouds and trees. The moon was magically bright and receptive to the crickets singing a song of departure from this great planet.
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Book jacket preview for Hidden History of Spanish New Mexico by Ray John de Aragón
Yesterday I was asked to write my first book review. I met Ray John de Aragón a few years ago at the Latino Writers Conference in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He asked me if I would write a review of his last book titled Enchanted Legends and Lore of New Mexico: Witches, Ghosts, and Spirits. The book was excellent, so I am honored to write a review for Mr. Aragón. Next month, his newest book will grace the shelves and it is sure to be a good one. He sent me a preview of the book cover for Hidden History of Spanish New Mexico, which will be published by History Press in September. The book will cover “four centuries of Spanish influence in the Land of Enchantment.” The book jacket reads “New Mexico’s Spanish legacy has informed the cultural traditions of one of the last states to join the Union for more than four hundred years, or before the alluring capital of Santa Fé was founded in 1610. The fame the region gained from artist Georgia O’Keefe, writers Lew Wallace and D.H. Lawrence, and pistolero Billy the Kid has made New Mexico an international tourist destination. But the Spanish annals also have enriched the Land of Enchantment with the factual stories of a superhero knight, the greatest queen in history, a saintly gent whose coffin periodically rises from the depths of the earth and a mysterious ancient map. Join author Ray John de Aragón as he reveals hidden treasure full of suspense and intrigue.” Nice…. It is sure to be a good one— so pick up a copy for your library. The book is available on pre-order through Amazon.com. Thanks for the update and an invitation to write a review for you Ray! 🙂
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